CutePicturesOfMyDog.com

BEFORE haircut

After haircut

sorry to bore you with this but I just needed to show all of you how cute Scribble is, both before and after his first "real" hair cut at the groomers this weekend.

what's funny is I thought he was getting fat but now that his hair is gone I realize he is skinny and so cute, he has also been freezing since the hair cut too, poor little guy.

so apologies for the no blog yesterday, I spent most of the morning searching "everywhere" for my divorce papers which I need to bring with me to get our marriage license, so I search, I sear...I cry, I panic....I search some more.

I go on the internet and do frantic searches for public records, I find and order my divorce papers to be rushed to me for a hefty fee...

I feel better, sort of, I mean it was money I should not have been spending but it's my fault for not finding my papers or even remembering the exact date of my divorce.

So with that bit of stress beginning to ease I think to myself, "I wonder if my divorce papers are in the top drawer of my dresser"

so I go look.

and there they are.

plain as day.

sigh

so I make a bunch of frantic phone calls to public records to see if they can cancel my order and I can get my money back, as I had just placed the order 10 minutes before.

so that was my yesterday....tomorrow we have an early morning vet appointment with Scribble as he is going to be "fixed" so I doubt I will be blogging, but that is probably for the best as it's celebrity letter day and now that Dancing With the Stars is back on, it's all I can think about, and I fear that you will all quickly grow bored with week after week of me writing about it.

though seriously I have words I need to say to Kristi Yamaguchi, so a letter may NEED to be written at some point.

alright dear ones, must get to work and do some creating, it's been a while and after the weekend with a sick mean cheese I feel like I need to get some creating done before I come down with the plague that she has no doubt infected the house with.

(by plague I mean horrible cold, but it's close)

Dear (Insert Name Here)

Dear Priscilla Presley

hey girl, what's up?

I saw you on Dancing With the Stars last night and you were amazing, seriously...you can dance, it was beautiful. You are in so many ways a living testament to what it means to be in your 60's...or I guess what it should mean.

Notice I said in some ways....um honey...what's up with your face???

You look like you a part Barbie doll, and part reject from a wax museum. You talked about how you wanted to dance to show the world that you can still do things when you are in your 60's...and blah blah...well how about aging gracefully? Perhaps dare I say...naturally?

Now, you are my mom's age, but sweetie, your face has less lines on it than mine. It's not normal, it's just not.

In fact looking at you made me sort of feel sad and uncomfortable. Now, I am a huge (HUGE) Elvis fan and fan of yours, and yes...even in many ways a fan of your trashy and crazy daughter but this torrid love affair you have going with Botox, well, it has to stop.

Now I know you have had an f-ed up life, Elvis warped your sense of reality by sheltering you for so many years but here's a little tip from me to you. In the "real world" people age, their foreheads get wrinkles and when they feel emotion it shows on their face.

Last night at one point I think you were crying, and it was touching, or I should say it would have been touching had I not been transfixed by the fact that your face did not change.

All this being said, you were still fierce and I did vote for you (well for a few of my votes).

I hope you stay on the show, I hope you stop with the Botox so you can look a little more "life like", and I hope your crazy daughter shows up a lot...all fat, pregnant, miserable, and nuts.

love
Jennifer Gordon

Dum Dum De Dum.......

morning, ok so I feel like I cannot keep in it any longer, I am horrible with secrets, just plain awful...

so..............I'm getting married.

yup, after a very long engagement my bubs and I are finally making it official. Now we are doing this VERY SMALL and very low key, just his parents and my mom will be there, we will most likely have a dinner or something after that, but the ceremony will just be them. The plan is to pay for them to come out here (remember they are 800 miles from here) so............that is really where my stress might come from, well that and fitting into a dress and looking like a stunning goddess for a day.

yeah, strike that, that is going to be the hard part for sure.

Now I am telling all of you this just in case I go into bride mode and I disappear under the weight and pressure of working out...(must lose AT LEAST 15LBS) .or if I all of a sudden start having massive sales in my etsy shop to get the parents out here safe and sound, well and to pay for the dress...

because yes this is about my bubs and I joining together in love and life and all that....but come one, it's also about the dress, like almost all about the dress (excepts that part about the love).

(oh I just realized saying things with this much snark might send the mean letters back my way...saying I am awful because I said a wedding was about a dress.)

anyway, so that is the news, very low key...oh and it will be happening at the beginning of April, we have the date set but I am keeping that close to my heart right now, less it be jinxed. In fact honestly typing all of this out and sending it out into the blogosphere is scary enough.........quick someone knock on wood....

QUICK, I MEAN IT!!!

(see I am already yelling, I believe this is what is called being a "Bridezilla" or something)

so there you have it, I'm all giddy and happy, the way as a bride you are supposed to feel....it feels good. It does.

xoxo
Jenn

PS- I was going to write about Dancing With The Stars tour but I realized that the only people that really care I think I have talked to about it....if you do care and want to know more about Wayne Newton and cute little blond Derek Hough's hips....well leave a comment or send me a convo through etsy and I will tell you all about them.

**picture above is the dress I want, but don't have yet, I am quickly trying to save all my pennies not presently spoken for by things like my huge heat bill, or food, or medicine.

the other side of the weekend

good morning

How are you?? Your weekends? Marvelous? Mine was low key but great, well great except for the couple hours yesterday when I started the long arduous journey that is my taxes....seriously, I have no idea how one little person (that's me) can amass so many receipts, between the post office and supply receipts I must be responsible for the death of so many trees just to make the receipt paper.

So, here's the deal, my taxes are a huge undertaking that I plan to work on little by little lest I go insane. So, if I am not posting quite as often, please know that I have not abandoned you all for a glamorous life, in fact if not blogging or painting or doing the etsy thing, I will most likely be wither 1- on the stationary bike peddling my way to hotness, or doing my taxes.

I am still going to really try to keep up with blogging at least 3 times a week but just in case....

so, in just a couple days I am going to see the Dancing With The Stars tour in all it's glorious over the top camp. I am so excited you see the way most people feel about going to see concerts, well that is how I feel about this, or going to the ballet or theater, they a very rare treats these days, but when it happens I am though the roof.

you see my mum raised me on a healthy diet of dancing, dancing, theater, more dancing and more theater, now...mind you I was NOT one of the bratty theater kids I would eventually work with when I was on the stage...no, I was a student of dance for many years and a lover of theater...we would get dressed up and her and I would go and sit in the cheap seats of the balcony and just lose ourselves in that world.

she would whisper quietly to me...."that's going to be you someday"

and it was, I can say that, for a brief while I lived the life of flood lights, dressing rooms, and curtain calls....and I would be lying if I said I did not in occasion miss that...

but it's a hard life, and the people...well some of them or more than wonderful and then there are others....well I'll just leave it at that, the others....and frankly my skin is not thick enough to deal with that, and the health of my poor bedraggled body also cannot deal with that rigorous schedule....so instead my new stage is my studio, my new actors are my collages...acting out the most wonderful stories, plays, dances...each one giving the type of performance that when they are done they feel a piece of them has died.

but in a good way.

wow...hell of a lot of babble there, and I am not sure if any of it makes any sense at all, can you tell I am putting off working on the receipt pile.

photo today is of a new(ish) piece that is available for sale in the shop.

Dear (insert name here)

Dear Celine Dion

first I am going to start by saying that you are one crazy, fantastic, diva of a thing. You rule, and I am being entirely serious.

I know, I know...it's sort of hip to hate you, but come on, I really can't do that, you make me smile.

I love that you are over dramatic and beat on your chest when you sing, I love that you speak in a thick Canadian accent (which reminds me of my mom) complete with horrible grammar. I love that you are married to some old man named Romaine or Marcoux....or something. I love that you wear ridiculous diamond rings shaped like tigers and leopards, just because you can.

Now I am not going to say that I have fabby taste in music, there are lots of things I like that hipsters around the world can be united behind....but then there is the part of me that loves, with a fiery passion. Bad pop music.

I listen proudly to the Partridge Family, and The Spice Girls, and I do it without that faux sense of ironic entitlement....I do it because it brings me joy.

That is how I feel about you, when I hear you bust out with that overly sentimental crappy song from Titanic....well it never fails to give me the chills, and makes me glad the Leonardo DiCaprio died in that movie, just so this song would exist so that many years later you can sing it on Dancing with The Stars....and I can watch you, tears streaming down my face while I shovel apple pie in my mouth.

thank you Celine, for giving me that moment.

I love you and your huge hair.
Jennifer Gordon

(this post is dedicated to you Tara!)

I feel like Mary Tyler Moore

Good morning,

ok, this is it, the beginning of a new me, I know, I know....it's not new years but I am easing into things, starting with this morning.

you know what I did...I danced for a half hour....and my body is not used to it anymore and it really hurt, but now, now I feel good.

you see after my knee surgery so many years ago and all the pain that came with it and followed, I stopped dancing, afraid that I would hurt myself...but you know what, I think that was more an excuse, I think it was less fear of pain and more fear of looking ridiculous and with that cams bad body image stuff and the like, but today, I turned the mirror around so I could not see myself, and I danced.

baby steps.

so that in and of itself is good, and I am really going to focus on some creating today, and worry about packaging a little later, you see my wonderful bubs is helping me with that, so it will no longer take the whole day...YAY!!

so, did you all have a wonderful weekend??? Ours was filled with mean cheesiness...and yes our Christmas Tree is still standing!!! She did wake up at 12:30am on Sunday morning, shortly after my bubs and I finally got to sleep, she was awake for most of the night after that, with no concept of time she does not really get that she is awake in the middle of the night. She was not feeling well either, she kept signing "ouch" and pointing at her ear, and head...poor thing.

So yesterday we took it easy we were having lunch when all of a sudden we heard sirens, tons of them, and shouting and lots of noise, it was like we were living back in the ghetto...looking out our side window we could see people rushing out of their homes...what the hell is happening, we of course figured something was on fire so rushed to the front porch and you know what we saw?????

a parade, going right by our door, marching bands, the most pathetic floats you have ever seen (seriously they were just people in the back of a pick up truck wearing Santa Hats), cheerleaders, more bands and then finally...SANTA.

kick ass.

My bubs and I were more excited than the mean cheese who could care less really....but come on, Santa drove by our f-ing house.

sweet.

next year I told my bubs we should get a float because it would surely kick all the other floats asses, he told me that was not "the spirit of Christmas" but you know...that did not sway me.

ok, now to get some work done, I am sorry I have been a bad blog friend lately....I have been very busy with orders and the like..

xoxoxo
j

The Twilight of NaBlaBlah Month

well, we made it 30 straight days of posting, which I know is not really too much different than normal, but...with this being the Holiday season I have been stretching myself a bit sometimes.

But, all it well, I think most of the problems I felt with NaBloPoMo, was that the need to blog was dominant and the want to blog came secondary, don't get me wrong, I love blogging but there have been a few days when I knew that I should probably just work, instead of talking about Dancing With the Stars on my blog, right???

Oh screw that I talk about Dancing with the Stars a lot inmy personal life too, so why shoulh here be any different.

SO yesterday was a total cluster f#%k, I spent most of the day waiting for UPS who showed up 3 hours late, by the time most of the nonsense of the day was done my studio was getting dark and I really hate to paint in non natural light, so the day was all but spent, now I really do have a ton to do today, though luckily 95% off my work is packaged and half of it is at the post office now and the other half will be there later today, leaving my weekend free to guard the mean cheese and keep her from being contrary and pulling down our Christmas tree, I have an ominous feeling about the tree, like part of me knows that it will be pulled down this weekend, and I am dreading it.

oh well....what are all of you doing this weekend? We might be having a snowstorm on Monday, yikes....too early, it should snow on Christmas eve, and then it should remain snowy on the ground until January 1....then it can go away, It is at that point I throw my fear of global warming to the wind and just pray for 40 degree days.

This beautiful big old house of ours is wonderful, but cold....so cold, the hardwood floors feel so cold in the morning they feel like I am standing in a puddle of water.

Oh, and onto another topic....is it too early to start thinking about resolutions for the new year??? I feel like I have to plan my resolutions carefully lest I set myself up for failure....so far I am thinking that they will be

1- lose weight
2- take a dance class
3- draw more!!!!!!
4- contact galleries and shops in the city
5 stop being so hard on myself


alright, it's 8:00am, and time I get to working!!!

love you all
j

Dear (insert Name Here)

Dear Mel B (um...that's Scary Spice for all of you who are not "in the know")


I love you, no, not a lesbian way....but you know, just in an "I love the Spice Girls AND Dancing with the Stars kind of way"

Now, for a long long time, Posh Spice (miss Victoria) has been my Spice Girl of choice, but lately as you know Posh has been looking a little thin, and well...a little odd, and frankly this "friendship" she has with Tom and Katie, well, it creeps me the hell out.

But then I discovered you, no longer were you just the woman who sadly got knocked up by Eddie Murphy (btw, what were you thinking with that one, how did you let him put his "thing" inside of you?). I will just say that for the record, after Jennie Garth, I wanted you to win on Dancing, though you were a ringer, it did not matter to me, you were beautiful up there, all slutty one minute and sort of classy slutty the next.

It was hot.

Also, your partner Maks...um yeah he's hot too, in fact I think you should leave your husband for him, then you two could "dance" whenever you wanted to.

I'm sure he would take care of Eddie Murphy's love child just as well as your hubby can.

oh also.........can you score me some tickets to the Spice Girls reunion??? Seriously??

love
Jennifer Gordon

Once upon a dreary Tuesday...wait, I just did this

Morning.

OK first....I need to say something....(TARA...I am going to talk about dancing, but I am not going to spoil anything)

For those of you who watched Dancing With the Stars Last Night....um did you see Marie's freestyle...I am going to state right now for the record that it is going to be really (REALLY) hard for me not to write yet another faux letter to her this week, though I will admit to being scared as I lost a customer last time I wrote about her....but really. If you have not seen it, I recommend that all of you go to you tube or ABC.com or wherever it is you can go to watch....just to see it, it's like watching a nightmare come to life, and it's the scariest thing I have ever seen.

moving on.

are you all well this morning?? I hope so, me...well I am finding it hard to wake up today, why oh why can I not make money while asleep....can someone please figure out a way to get rich while napping, I swear we'll be bff's for life if you find a way.

Today I am working on a couple more commissions, finishing one and working a little more on the "big commission which "should" be finished on Thursday or Friday....cross your fingers for me.

Oh before I forget....Tara, thank you so very much for the lovely mail, and the ornaments, you are beyond words wonderful in every way. Thank you, thank you, thank you....as I said before, mail from you is like getting a hug.

Speaking of mail....another shout out to Karen Beth, who knows my love of beautiful images from magazines....she also knows my limited shoestring budget, so every so often I get an envelope of beautiful images sent to me....and this my dear ones, is splendid, to see the things that she ripped out with me in mind, so sweet. I get all tingly and feel really special.

So thank you to both of you darling ones.

with that I leave you with a couple "Romeo and Juliet" pieces from my shop.

Dear (Insert Name Here)

(don't read this if you don't want Dancing With the Stars spoliers......I'm aiming this right at you Tara!!)


Dear Marie Osmond (week II)

Crazy lady.....did I not tell you that it was time for you to go???? Well there you have it, your rabid sad fans have kept you in the show for yet another humiliating week, and my Jennie Garth has gone home.

why?????

You know, this week you even topped yourself in the giant yuck factor, when you ended your routine by flying into the audience and laying across all your brothers laps...well that was enough for me.

You had way (WAY) too much cleavage going on and your floppy boobs almost fell right out of your dress and onto Donny.

Yes, he would have liked it, loved it in fact, I saw how he was squeezing you when you were on top of them...I mean it looked to me like he was trying to cop a feel, and perhaps get to second base, and you were letting him and loving it.

gross.

anyway this is not a letter about your gross relationship with your brother but rather one about how it is you that is a creepizoid. I feel like you are playing to the fans of the show, to make them become like your zombie doll loving fans you already have....and for the record I think you "fainting" on the show....total crap, you did it all for sympathy and attention, and lucky for you, it worked.

I do ask one thing of you, please please, next week I know there is a "no hold barred" dance, please for the love of God (Mormons believe in God right, they don;t believe in a Robot like Scientologists do, do they?) please DO NOT do that patented Marie Osmond move where you put your hands on your head and gyrate all around, it is far more disgusting than I care to describe, and I am sure that is the real reason your son got into drugs and is now in rehab.

not a fan
Jennifer Gordon

Dear (Insert Name Here)

Dear Marie Osmond

I will start off with saying that I am very sorry for the loss of your father, but that does not mean I am going to sugar coat what I have to say.

Um...you creep me out. Seriously you are very close to ruining my favorite guilty pleasure show "Dancing With The Stars" you see when you dance you look like a crazy person.

It's not good.

You do a lot of flailing about and kicking and pointing and making strange faces, it reminds me of the time I saw my mom have a couple glasses of wine and then try to dance at a wedding reception, it was awful and embarrassing all around.

And then when you try to be sexy and shake your "money makers" all over the place, well....it makes me throw up in my mouth, because every time you do it, they always pan to your creepy brother Donnie in the audience who is always smiling/crying/or clapping too much.

If I want to think about inappropriate brother sister action, well I would rather it be Angelina Jolie and her brother, I don;t want to think about you and Donnie.

Also...............I know you are a whacked out religious zealot and that is fine, to each his own, but when you started quoting from the bible the other night, really....how was that right??

I really hope that your following of the sad and lonely vote you off soon, because I swear if Jennie Garth gets kicked off and you remain, I am going to go on an Osmond rampage....

watch your back.

love
Jennifer Gordon

Dear (Insert Name Here)

Dear whoever it is that is in charge of not giving the writer's guild the monies, and who might be willing to pay me cash money for my Hollywood ideas and all the while not sully my good name and artistic integrity.

(ok, that is quite a mouthful, I should have just said "To Whom it May Concern")

Hello sir or madam

I am a flegling writer, chock filled with good ideas for TV show, so fear not advertisers no need to go into repeats with me around.

I will start with a few quick breakdowns of ideas I have for some of your best tv shows.

1- HEROES....ok this one is a given, Mohinder gets a girlfriend, her name is Jennifer Gordon, they are wildly in love and have some great make out scenes. She has a power, it really does not matter what it is, just that they are boyfriend girl friend.

2- The Office- ok, the office gets a new employee, her name is Jennifer Gordon, she has a BF already, we will just call him "bubs" for short, they are adorable, she is sassy and he is funny, they are both damn sexy. No one cares about the "Jim and Pam" thing anymore, no, it's all about Jenn and her bubs, America is riveted.

3- Dancing with the Stars - ok I know this is live and "unscripted" (lol) but let's just say that you need some new hosts because the ones you have are sort of lame, and are not ver good at the whole improve thing, so anyway you get a new Host/judge, her name is Jennfer Gordon, she has the people dance the normal dances, but then there is a round where the dancers dance new routines that she herself has choreographed, these dances are all named after hypo-allergenic dogs, for example she would say things like "tonight dancing the "Yorkie" is Jennie Garth and Derek", or even, "tonight dancing the peek-a-poo, Scary Spice and that hot Russian guy"

4- see how good I am with this list, imagine what I could so if you gave me a few minutes in the "David Letterman" zone.

so in short, here are a couple ideas for you to play with, I give them to you in good faith that you will return the favor by sending me monies, lots and lots of monies.

love
writer/scribe/dancing show host/ mixed media artist
Jennifer Gordon

um, so...yeah...

good morning!

ok, before I go into anything I need to make a confession, and it may change how a lot of you think about me.

you see.....last night I watched Dancing with the Stars, which in and of itself seems pretty lame on the outside, but wait...it's worse.

I voted, 6 times, online.

sigh, I voted for Jennie Garth, you see, I knew this would happen, I saw my 90210 Kelly Taylor dancing and I freaked, lost my mind.

It's the only explanation.

And there was Heroes....now I am not going to bore you with the details, but just note that I was glued, GLUED to the tv, which really is not something I like to be...So I need to set limits or really I would probably be watching every hair brained show on tv.

cough....ahem....moving on.

yesterday I made the new set of blocks I have pictured today, and I really think that they might be my favorite block set I have even made. I am trying hard to resist the urge to renew the listing on etsy almost constantly so they remain at the top...I jut want to scream out from the hill tops "look at these", yes, like a crazy person.

right now I am in an odd state of mind, I am very please with what I am doing creatively at the moment, which is good, but at the same time I am finding it very slow online...so a little part of me is panicking, and wondering if the time will soon come that I will need to get a "real job", to today, apart from making things and packaging I am going to try and spread my little wings and get some more exposure.

so what will that mean...not sure at the moment, but I will let you know as soon as I know.

with that I bid you a very fond farewell, this is blog post #297, so I only have a couple more posts until blog #300 and the "Blog LOVE" sale is over.

remember just to mention "blog love" in the message to seller section and wait for a new invoice to receive 20% off.

xoxoxo
jenn

Dear (Insert Name Here)

Dear Jennie Garth

So....you're going to be on Dancing With The Stars this year....I have to say I am equal parts pissed and overjoyed...you see, now I am obligated to watch the show, something I really do not need to be doing, right?

But you see, a part of my soul died the day that Beverly Hills 90210 went off the air, no really...dead.

I lived for 90210, and you my dear sweet Jennie...were my favorite.

Kelly Tayolor...even just typing that gets me all geeked up. I loved her, and you. Every week I would watch and just think "I am so, the "Kelly"...though the similarities are not all together striking.

I am no blond, not rich, no nose job, no bmw...BUT....I did have a bitchtastic bff (like Brenda), I say had because we had a parting of ways after she turned into a racist neo con....but that's not the point, I also had a long relationship with someone who was a total snore fest (that would be that no good hippie I married) much like Kelly's relationship with Brandon, um...and then there is my Bubs, he is an awful lot like Dylan....

So you see, Jennie, I felt a connection with your character, and with you...cuz hello....we have the same name too...

So now my point...please don't suck on Dancing With The Stars, because watching you is like watching me....or, it's like watching 90210, I am really not sure which, but please, please....I hope you are practicing now.

I do have faith in you, I remember you had a work out video, so I know you have some "moves", though since then you have had a lot of babies...too many babies actually (but that is another letter for another time)

So I will leave you now, in hopes that you will get your butt into a dance studio and start this thing...we need you to be the ringer this year...I don't want that coveted trophy going to another athlete.

yours in the spirit of 90210
Jennifer Gordon

Dear (Insert Name Here) Week VI

(photo courtesy of www.myspace.com/ianziering)

Dear Ian Ziering

first off...a warning, this letter is going to be a bit humiliating, more so for me than you but you know, humiliating nonetheless.

I need to start with saying I am probably the biggest Beverly Hills 90210 fan that there ever was, no seriously. I love that and I have seen every episode at least 5 times, and when I say at least that is really what I mean because it is really closer to 10 times.

You rocked as lovable good for nothing Steve Sanders in that show, and the people that know me can totally tell you that I am such a "Kelly" that it's not even funny. Except for the fact that I have brown hair and well, I'm poor, but other than that, we're the same.

(oh and my bubs is totally Dylan too, a fact that he denies and sort of hates me for.)

anyway, I realize I am not writing to "Steve" but to you Ian, I just wanted to clarify that I sincerely adore you, so much so in fact....I will only admit this here, I have been secretly watching you on Dancing With The Stars, and man...you can really dance.

I know that I am going to catch a lot of crap for watching Dancing With The Stars, but come on now...it's not like I'm voting or anything, I am just enjoying the art of dance, oh and I never watch the results show....no dancing, no show.

but whatever, I have 3 questions for you.

1- why do you pronounce your name "I"an? instead if "Eee"Yan ? that has also sort of bothered me.

2- why do you have a blog if you are never going to update? Seriously I would add you to my daily blog stalker list and I could probably get at least like 5 others to do so too, so you should really consider working into your daily dance regiment.

3- 90210....will there ever be a reunion movie? Ever???? If it happened, I could die a happy woman. No pressure or anything.

love
your fan

Jennifer Gordon