Stiletto Heights

I am Jennifer Gordon- a mixed media collage artist and comic writer living in Columbus OH, with my fiance and love- Keith. I specialize in paintings, ACEOS, journals, art boxes and more. I am always available for commissions! Visit my etsy shop at:

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Dear (Insert Name Here)

Dear Marie Osmond

I will start off with saying that I am very sorry for the loss of your father, but that does not mean I am going to sugar coat what I have to say. creep me out. Seriously you are very close to ruining my favorite guilty pleasure show "Dancing With The Stars" you see when you dance you look like a crazy person.

It's not good.

You do a lot of flailing about and kicking and pointing and making strange faces, it reminds me of the time I saw my mom have a couple glasses of wine and then try to dance at a wedding reception, it was awful and embarrassing all around.

And then when you try to be sexy and shake your "money makers" all over the place, makes me throw up in my mouth, because every time you do it, they always pan to your creepy brother Donnie in the audience who is always smiling/crying/or clapping too much.

If I want to think about inappropriate brother sister action, well I would rather it be Angelina Jolie and her brother, I don;t want to think about you and Donnie.

Also...............I know you are a whacked out religious zealot and that is fine, to each his own, but when you started quoting from the bible the other night, was that right??

I really hope that your following of the sad and lonely vote you off soon, because I swear if Jennie Garth gets kicked off and you remain, I am going to go on an Osmond rampage....

watch your back.

Jennifer Gordon

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Blogger Beej said...


How did Jennie Garth and Marie Osmond end up on the same stage without the world ending?

Also? Please don't talk about the boobs of either osmond ever again, pls.

8:17 AM  
Blogger Aaron said...

I used to have a crush on Marie Osmond when I was like, six. There, I said it.

Now? Not so much.

8:53 AM  
Anonymous Noelle said...

When I was watching daytime tv last week, I had the horrifying realization that people like the Osmonds. So scary.

8:59 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

amen sistah, AMEN!!
that chiclet toothed woman needs to go!

If women are the majority of the voting public, don't you think that they would have voted for the man-candy Cameron??

Who voted for Marie? Uh maybe the entire state of Utah and every LDS follower alive in the USA. Guess we now have an idea just how many LDSers there actually are in the USA and Canada huh?

Geez... Another week of awkward shaking and gyrating from the slightly unstable [mentally and physically] Marie Osmond... Give me strength!

11:42 AM  
Blogger EvilKate said...

I love these letters. They always crack me up.

12:44 PM  
Blogger tootsiegrace said...

Ew. Did you watch the Oprah show last week where the entire creepy Osmond family was celebrated? Ick. I used to babysit for an estranged branch of the Osmond family. They hated their cousins Donnie and Marie!!

I don't blame them. Creepy siblings!!

4:10 PM  
Blogger jungle dream pagoda said...

You always deliver on the celeb letter! Once when the hubs and I were in Las Vegas the hotel boutique was crazy busy,and we could barely get through the lobby! Turns out Marie was there to autograph her dollies!
She definitely has a "unique" following. I hope all is well,I have been ca-razy busy.

4:48 PM  
Blogger Christine Marie said...

You are too funny. Have you noticed how Marie's partner holds her so tight now after her performances...I think he's afraid she'll crash again!

Now I've gotta read your other celebrity letters...

5:29 PM  
Blogger Lucy said...

I've just started reading your blog a few weeks ago, and I have to say your letters to whomever are the best!! You make me laugh :)

I'm glad you don't sugar coat what you have to say!

9:33 PM  
Anonymous A Fanciful Twist said...

Oh my goodness. YOu are SOOO funny it hurts!!!! xoxoxoo

11:49 PM  
Blogger Amy Olson Jewelry said...

OMG, that was too funny! And by the way, Stiletto, I love your blog. I find it an interesting read and beautifully laid out.

8:16 AM  
Blogger Kitty Grrlz Knits & Spins! said...

this was so funny! i haven't really been watching this season, but read the recaps occasionally on zap2it . . . i am surprised she is still there and cameron is not!

and, oh, i have to admit that we had the donnie & marie (barbie-like) dolls when we were kids!?

9:18 AM  
Anonymous Jenn said...

Hello, I found you on Sobe's list of blogs.

I just wanted to agree with this. She creeps me out and I'm surprised she hasn't been kicked off already.

2:41 PM  
Blogger Susan Williamson said...

If you end up having to go on a rampage, count me in. I'll even make the cream pies!

3:44 PM  
Blogger Rafe Totengco said...

yeah, she creeps me out too.

3:18 PM  
Blogger Ming the Merciless said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

12:43 PM  
Blogger Ming the Merciless said...

She lost me the day she started selling dolls looking like her. Eck!

12:54 PM  

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