Dear (Insert Name Here)
Dear Marie Osmond
I will start off with saying that I am very sorry for the loss of your father, but that does not mean I am going to sugar coat what I have to say.
Um...you creep me out. Seriously you are very close to ruining my favorite guilty pleasure show "Dancing With The Stars" you see when you dance you look like a crazy person.
It's not good.
You do a lot of flailing about and kicking and pointing and making strange faces, it reminds me of the time I saw my mom have a couple glasses of wine and then try to dance at a wedding reception, it was awful and embarrassing all around.
And then when you try to be sexy and shake your "money makers" all over the place, well....it makes me throw up in my mouth, because every time you do it, they always pan to your creepy brother Donnie in the audience who is always smiling/crying/or clapping too much.
If I want to think about inappropriate brother sister action, well I would rather it be Angelina Jolie and her brother, I don;t want to think about you and Donnie.
Also...............I know you are a whacked out religious zealot and that is fine, to each his own, but when you started quoting from the bible the other night, really....how was that right??
I really hope that your following of the sad and lonely vote you off soon, because I swear if Jennie Garth gets kicked off and you remain, I am going to go on an Osmond rampage....
watch your back.