Dear (Insert Name Here)
(don't read this if you don't want Dancing With the Stars spoliers......I'm aiming this right at you Tara!!)
Dear Marie Osmond (week II)
Crazy lady.....did I not tell you that it was time for you to go???? Well there you have it, your rabid sad fans have kept you in the show for yet another humiliating week, and my Jennie Garth has gone home.
You know, this week you even topped yourself in the giant yuck factor, when you ended your routine by flying into the audience and laying across all your brothers laps...well that was enough for me.
You had way (WAY) too much cleavage going on and your floppy boobs almost fell right out of your dress and onto Donny.
Yes, he would have liked it, loved it in fact, I saw how he was squeezing you when you were on top of them...I mean it looked to me like he was trying to cop a feel, and perhaps get to second base, and you were letting him and loving it.
anyway this is not a letter about your gross relationship with your brother but rather one about how it is you that is a creepizoid. I feel like you are playing to the fans of the show, to make them become like your zombie doll loving fans you already have....and for the record I think you "fainting" on the show....total crap, you did it all for sympathy and attention, and lucky for you, it worked.
I do ask one thing of you, please please, next week I know there is a "no hold barred" dance, please for the love of God (Mormons believe in God right, they don;t believe in a Robot like Scientologists do, do they?) please DO NOT do that patented Marie Osmond move where you put your hands on your head and gyrate all around, it is far more disgusting than I care to describe, and I am sure that is the real reason your son got into drugs and is now in rehab.
not a fan