Stiletto Heights

I am Jennifer Gordon- a mixed media collage artist and comic writer living in Columbus OH, with my fiance and love- Keith. I specialize in paintings, ACEOS, journals, art boxes and more. I am always available for commissions! Visit my etsy shop at: http://www.stilettoheights.etsy.com

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Dear (Insert Name Here)


(don't read this if you don't want Dancing With the Stars spoliers......I'm aiming this right at you Tara!!)


Dear Marie Osmond (week II)

Crazy lady.....did I not tell you that it was time for you to go???? Well there you have it, your rabid sad fans have kept you in the show for yet another humiliating week, and my Jennie Garth has gone home.

why?????

You know, this week you even topped yourself in the giant yuck factor, when you ended your routine by flying into the audience and laying across all your brothers laps...well that was enough for me.

You had way (WAY) too much cleavage going on and your floppy boobs almost fell right out of your dress and onto Donny.

Yes, he would have liked it, loved it in fact, I saw how he was squeezing you when you were on top of them...I mean it looked to me like he was trying to cop a feel, and perhaps get to second base, and you were letting him and loving it.

gross.

anyway this is not a letter about your gross relationship with your brother but rather one about how it is you that is a creepizoid. I feel like you are playing to the fans of the show, to make them become like your zombie doll loving fans you already have....and for the record I think you "fainting" on the show....total crap, you did it all for sympathy and attention, and lucky for you, it worked.

I do ask one thing of you, please please, next week I know there is a "no hold barred" dance, please for the love of God (Mormons believe in God right, they don;t believe in a Robot like Scientologists do, do they?) please DO NOT do that patented Marie Osmond move where you put your hands on your head and gyrate all around, it is far more disgusting than I care to describe, and I am sure that is the real reason your son got into drugs and is now in rehab.

not a fan
Jennifer Gordon

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18 Comments:

Blogger alexgirl said...

I love that you use the word creepazoid. Hah! Okay, check out this picture, it is why I wrote my letter:

http://www.tmz.com/2007/11/20/shia-labeouf-has-a-big-banana/

Dear Shia,
Being a celebrity, you need to take a little more care in what you eat in public. Your reputation is quickly dwindling, and this is NOT going to help. If you can help it, don't eat on-the-go. And don't try this move with a hot dog.

xoxo,
Alex

10:23 AM  
Anonymous Noelle said...

The one thing that I took out of watching daytime television a few weeks ago is that I really, really don't like Marie Osmond. Now that I hear she's displaced Jennie Garth, it's even worse.

11:01 AM  
Blogger Aaron said...

Um, hi, Jennifer, Scientologists do not believe in "a robot".

We believe in an alien overlord named Xenu who released thetans into our bodies millions of years ago. Gawd.

;)

11:01 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Disappointed. Simpler to just not watch the show than to stoop to this level of insult.Unkind words could result in loss of customers which is YOUR livelyhood.

11:46 AM  
Blogger stilettoheights said...

anonymous....these letters are a joke, please don;t take offense to them, I am snarky person by nature, and this is good fun, for me....and most of the people that read my blog, also, were you afraid to let us know who you were??? I am curious.

12:11 PM  
Blogger Sandra Evertson said...

Funny.
Love your Fabulous art work!
Sandra Evertson

12:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anonymous is a FORMER customer who admired your art work. Fun should never be derived be degrading another person and their art form. So disappointing. Hope with maturity you learn from your error and loss of this customer and probably a few others.

1:01 PM  
Blogger stilettoheights said...

I am sorry you feel like that Anonymous, but please know, these letters are in fun, I have often times written and been snarky about people I really admire too, I have a different sense of humor than you do, there is no harm in that.

I laugh at shows like SNL, and the Daily Show for these same types of things.

I consider these letters almost to be in the same vain as a celebrity roast, where people are poked fun at.

Please feel free to email me privately and we can actually discuss this if you like.

if not take care and sorry to have offended.

(I am curious, was it the Marie Osmond thing specifically or all the celeb letters I have written?)

1:31 PM  
Blogger m.Lee said...

Hey anonymous why don't you use your name so Jenn can know who she ticked off?

1:38 PM  
Blogger Tara said...

A sense of humor is a hard thing to come by lately. Keep yours Stiletto Heights! And to anonymous, if you can't contribute your identity and really stand up for what you feel and believe in then you might as well just keep to yourself.

Haazah.

I am a customer for life and I know that I may be a customer of people I don't completely agree with on every matter but that is the beauty in it all, now isn't it.

1:45 PM  
Blogger Steph said...

I don't even watch the show, but I am sorry to hear Jennie Garth is gone.

3:52 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

4:09 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

Sorry, I made an error before... it's fixed now!

I love you Jenn. I love your letters. I love your art. You will always have me as a customer. Your expressions (all forms) are what make you, you.

You're incredible. :)

4:41 PM  
Anonymous gregorymeyer said...

Keep snarking, Jenn. Your letters are great entertainment. For those who might not understand, I'll spell it out for you:

Satire = Humor = Entertainment = Good

Keep the faith, Jenn. I doubt there's a high correlation between your customer base and Marie Osmond fanship. One opinion is just that.

Happy Thanksgiving! I'm grateful for you and your talent.

9:21 AM  
Blogger AprilDawn said...

OMG that made me giggle until it hurt! "unfortunately" I missed that one.

7:59 AM  
Blogger Aaron said...

I'm willing to bet cash money that "anonymous" is Marie Osmond.

3:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love your celebrity letters Jenn, don't go changin', i really look forward to them...always make me lol (for reals).


Tracy


http://artgirlx.etsy.com

PS: Yes, maybe disgruntled anonymous poster IS marie osmond!

2:13 AM  
Anonymous Karen Beth said...

Anonymous is one funny - and pathetic - person. I got a good giggle out of their frigidness over something so trivial.

Marie Osmond an "art form"? C'mon. I'm with Aaron... I'll bet that anonymous IS Marie Osmond. Marie... Trolling the Net for people who aren't fans really IS pathetic.

This was so funny.

2:46 PM  

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