Dear (insert Name Here)
Dear Mel B (um...that's Scary Spice for all of you who are not "in the know")
I love you, no, not a lesbian way....but you know, just in an "I love the Spice Girls AND Dancing with the Stars kind of way"
Now, for a long long time, Posh Spice (miss Victoria) has been my Spice Girl of choice, but lately as you know Posh has been looking a little thin, and well...a little odd, and frankly this "friendship" she has with Tom and Katie, well, it creeps me the hell out.
But then I discovered you, no longer were you just the woman who sadly got knocked up by Eddie Murphy (btw, what were you thinking with that one, how did you let him put his "thing" inside of you?). I will just say that for the record, after Jennie Garth, I wanted you to win on Dancing, though you were a ringer, it did not matter to me, you were beautiful up there, all slutty one minute and sort of classy slutty the next.
It was hot.
Also, your partner Maks...um yeah he's hot too, in fact I think you should leave your husband for him, then you two could "dance" whenever you wanted to.
I'm sure he would take care of Eddie Murphy's love child just as well as your hubby can.
oh also.........can you score me some tickets to the Spice Girls reunion??? Seriously??