4 days and counting

Your Inner Muse is Thalia

You are most like this playful muse of comedy. Life is all about laughter to you, and you're a natural comic. You make people laugh until their sides split. And you're always up for some play time!

What Muse Are You?

so I am trying to channel my inner muse and get all the inspiration I can while I am working, but...have found myself easily distracted by...

1- trying to find the video of Brit Brit's bomb at the VMA's
2- I watched f-ing Super Nanny...yeah, that's low
3- taking blog quizzes
4- drinking Starbucks
5- celebrity gossip
6- etsy forum lurking

I did mention blog quizzes, right

You Are More Like Angelina Jolie

Bad girl with a heart of gold. You are smart, sexy, and strong willed. You aren't against stealing another girl's man... If he's better off with you!

Are You More Like Jennifer or Angelina?

like finding out I was an Angelina was odd...duh, of course I am.

And last pointless quiz but not least...

Your Celebrity Sisters Are Mary-Kate and Ashley

Funky, eccentric, and offbeat You're not a good girl or a bad girl, just a weird girl

Who Are Your Celebrity Sisters?

another obvious one, right??? the question is, which Olsen Twin are you? That should be the quiz...

oh now I am off to google that and distract myself some more.

xoxo

Dear (Insert Name here) week who cares it's my 200th post

Dear Dame Victoria Beckham (aka Posh Spice)

ok, I may be jumping the gun by calling you "Dame" but really let's be honest, the damn Queen will knight and dame just about anyone these days, so I am guessing sometime next year you my dear will be "almost" royalty....good job on marrying up you by the way, I doubt that I would be saying this had you not given an heir to the Beckhams.

I am going to say some mean things, and you just need to know from the very bottom of my Spice Girl aching soul...that I do adore you.

In fact during my early 20's when the Spice Girls were H U G E, you were always my favorite, in fact me and the rest of my foxy and not so foxy rolodex all called dibs on which Spice Girl we were...and I was all about you baby. You see my overweight and overbearing bff at the time was "Ginger" so it seems fitting.

I chose you because ever then you knew how to wear clothes, and wear them you did.

When I heard you and Becks were a thing....well I knew I had made the right choice for as my fantasy Spice.

All this being said, I am left really wondering...what the hell is up with you lately? Have you seen yourself?

First, what is going on with the boob job? And honey, in all seriousness can you PLEASE eat something!!! Becks is not going to stop cheating on you no matter how thin you get. Right now, you look like a manorexic trannie trolling the streets of LA looking for some poor doofus to pick up, and by poor doofus, I mean Eddie Murphy.

Your hair...your porr beautiful hair, let it grow out, get rid of the blond it does not make you look more "LA" it just makes you look weird. Oh, and one more huge piece of advice....I know you are living next to the Robots Tom and Katie and their strange little alien baby...do not, I repeat DO NOT get sucked into that circle of the bizarre, please, I need to know your safe. I don;t want you to look like a robot like Katie.

Wait, what am I saying, you already look like a robot, but not in the Stepford wife kind of way...more like a sex bot gone all to hell.

Clean yourself up darlin, and start hanging with a real power couple Brad and Angie.

Love
Jennifer "Posh" Gordon


(that's all for now loves, you have just finished reading my 200th post, someone throw confetti at me and crack open the champagne and post some letters for me to read)

Dear (Insert Name Here) Week 14

Dear Mr George Clooney

um, hi....how are you? It's been a while I know. I wanted to see how you were, I know I don't avidly stalk you the way I used to, but I did not want you to think I had forgotten about you completely, after all....that would be impossible to do you are George Clooney, friend to Brad and Angelina.

Yes, I am sorry but that is what you have become to me, just the friend to my celeb couple obsession. I remember several years ago when you were my number one obsession.

Hey, remember when I became totally obsessed with becoming your personal assistant? (the idea came to me after sitting through the credits on Oh, Brother Where Art Thou and seeing your assistants name in the credits, I turned to the no go hippie ex husband and said "I could do that").

The rest they say is history. I even half heartedly began to write a movie script, about a sort of down on her luck 20 something who becomes obsessed with the idea, the movie was a drama/comedy where this poor girl fixates on that idea instead of fixating what is wrong in her own life.

Throughout the never finished movie, there would be tears, laughter, and even some growing as a person, you would have made a small cameo in it too...well had I ever finished it, and had it gotten made.

Oh, and you can't forget that the lead character would have worn a sweet George Clooney t-shirt that had an iron on of you Mr. Clooney from the Facts of Life days...and under the dreamy picture of you it would have said "Clooney!" in sweet 1980's bubble letters or some crap.

So you see, I have come a long way....no more stalker girl for me...I bet you can sleep a little easier at night huh?

so...now to the point of the letter, um...can you give me Brad and Angelia's number, or just Angie's cell would be cool, I have a movie script to pitch to them.

xoxoxo
jennifer Gordon

Dear (Insert Name Here) Week IV

(*** it's celeb letter time, write them if you got them...also stay tuned tomorrow for news about the fan mail...I will be compiling them into a book...woo hoo!)

Dear Angelina Jolie

(please, while reading this letter you must here the song Angie by the Rolling Stones being played)


First, before I say anything I just have to give myself props for not writing to you every week because you see...I love you.

Like, love you, love you. You are my favorite. I love you, not nearly as much as I love my bubs, but I can easily say that I love you as much as I love sweet cakes.

When you were making out with your brother and looked like Morticia Adams...I was fine with that. When you were wearing a vile of Billy Bob's blood and talked about having sex with him while watching the Game Show Network, well that was great too. When you stole Brad away from that trailer park skank, Jennifer Anniston, I could not have been more over joyed than if I had taken him.

You are even better than Jackie O, yeah, thats right...I said it.

Congrats on the latest purchase of that adorable toddler from Vietnam, I think he will go perfectly with your other children....though, I am not a huge fan of amassing the babies like you are, I have to trust that you are doing it for a reason.

My bubs think that you and Brad are secretly plotting to star in a live action movie version of the "It's A Small World" ride.

But I doubt that you and Brad will be doing the "Disney thing" anytime in the near future.

Another very belated congrats on creating the most beautiful human being in the world, your little baby Shilo...for the record, she is way cuter than Tom and Katie's little cyborg.

I will leave you with one very important plea...please adopt me. I know I am 31 and really should be able to take care of myself, but...hear me out....I don't want to.

I'm an artist, I'm quiet, I'll just live in your little guest house with my bubs and we'll stay out of your hair. I'll even help tend to your army of babies...well, I'll help to take care of some of the ones who are no longer in diapers, I'm not good with the whole "butt pants" thing.

love
Jenn

Dear (Insert Name Here) Week III

**You all know what to do, time to write the letters to whoever you want.

xoxo

Dear Giselle

First my apologies if you do not read English very well, please have your assistant read this to you. I am assuming you do read English, as you must have been able to read and memorize your 2 lines in The Devil Wears Prada...

How are you? I just want to start out by telling you that you are by far my most favorite of the super models, not since Linda Evangelista reigned supreme have I loved a model as much as you. In fact if I had to guess I would say you are the most beautiful person I have ever seen...wait scratch that, my bubs is the most beautiful person I have ever seen, then Angelina Jolie, then Joaquin Phoenix, then you.

Wait...where am I going with this.

Oh, now I remember...way to go getting Tom Brady the Quarterback of the New England Patriots to knock you up, did you "forget" to take the pill that day?

I have to say that I was at first thrilled that you were dating him, as a born and raised New England girl, it really touched me that you were with one of the sports gods from my home, the only thing that would have been better was if you were dating any of the Red Sox, though they are are kind of fat and dumpy looking so I can see why that wouldn't happen.

So....though I was totally cool with you dating him, I have to say I am a bit mortified that you allowed him to get you pregnant, not only is this bad for your career, but the man also knocked up his ex-girlfriend too, just one month before you. I'm not huge on the whole "math" thing but I would be worried about the "overlap", but that's just me.

Now, forgive me if I am wrong but I really don't think he is the "marrying kind".

Now....I have this sinking feeling that things will go bad, that you will be left as a single mom, sure you will be incredibly rich and all, but single nonetheless.

Please don't go begging Leo to take you back, that will be humiliating, I suggest that you get in touch with the Jolie-Pitt's and see if they want to adopt/buy your baby, I'm sure they would. It would be ridiculously attractive plus it would be of international descent...which I think are their two main criteria for baby shopping.

Please consider this option, I only want what's best for you, and for the New England Patriots.

your ever faithful
Jennifer

ps- is there any truth to the rumor that you will be taking over Victoria's Secret?