Dear (Insert Name Here) Week IV

(*** it's celeb letter time, write them if you got them...also stay tuned tomorrow for news about the fan mail...I will be compiling them into a book...woo hoo!)

Dear Angelina Jolie

(please, while reading this letter you must here the song Angie by the Rolling Stones being played)


First, before I say anything I just have to give myself props for not writing to you every week because you see...I love you.

Like, love you, love you. You are my favorite. I love you, not nearly as much as I love my bubs, but I can easily say that I love you as much as I love sweet cakes.

When you were making out with your brother and looked like Morticia Adams...I was fine with that. When you were wearing a vile of Billy Bob's blood and talked about having sex with him while watching the Game Show Network, well that was great too. When you stole Brad away from that trailer park skank, Jennifer Anniston, I could not have been more over joyed than if I had taken him.

You are even better than Jackie O, yeah, thats right...I said it.

Congrats on the latest purchase of that adorable toddler from Vietnam, I think he will go perfectly with your other children....though, I am not a huge fan of amassing the babies like you are, I have to trust that you are doing it for a reason.

My bubs think that you and Brad are secretly plotting to star in a live action movie version of the "It's A Small World" ride.

But I doubt that you and Brad will be doing the "Disney thing" anytime in the near future.

Another very belated congrats on creating the most beautiful human being in the world, your little baby Shilo...for the record, she is way cuter than Tom and Katie's little cyborg.

I will leave you with one very important plea...please adopt me. I know I am 31 and really should be able to take care of myself, but...hear me out....I don't want to.

I'm an artist, I'm quiet, I'll just live in your little guest house with my bubs and we'll stay out of your hair. I'll even help tend to your army of babies...well, I'll help to take care of some of the ones who are no longer in diapers, I'm not good with the whole "butt pants" thing.

love
Jenn