Dear (Insert Name Here)

Dear Barbara Walters

so today is the big day I guess...you announce who is going to replace..............snore...........zzzzzzzzz


what oops, sorry, I fell asleep thinking about "The View" and what a miserable and boring excuse for why women have the reputation for being annoying and crazy, seriously it's like watching a bad sitcom about pregnancy and menopause.

While having a discussion with my bubs last night the subject of "The View" came up, and now I have a little pitch for you...

ditch all those tired hags you have on there now, we need a little fresh blood, they should be replaced with...

me, Posh Spice, Sarah Jessica Parker, Tina Turner, and Michelle Tanner

please note the when I say Michelle Tanner, I do mean that one of the Olsen Twins will be on the show at all times, but we will just trade them out for one another on various days...or hell even during the show, it will be a fun game...because let's face it....no one can tell them apart, not really...I love those bitches and I'm still thinking to myself, wait which one is the suicidal one???

So that should be the "New View", I think it has all the makings of a mid morning ratings power house....oh and my bubs said that the line up would have to change for one day each year (his birthday) then the line up would be...

me, Sarah Jessica Parker who will keep me company while he stares at Andie MacDowell (his long time movie bubs), and Reese Witherspoon (his new movie bubs)

I know what your thinking Babs (mind if I call you that?) you're thinking where the hell is sweet Angie Jolie...well we thought about that, and came to the realization that we don't want a bunch of kids trolling about, so she's out!!!

One final thing, one final plea as a present to my Bubs...there used to be a "Man View" on...it had a bunch of F-Listers on it...what happened to that show? For the record, I would like to publicly declare that it should be brought back, with the following line up (line up courtesy of my bubs who put A LOT of thought into it).

My Bubs (he would be the "Barbara Walters" only on the show sometimes), Sir Ian McKellen, Billy Zane, Harvey Pekar, and (Big Fat) Toby Keith (TK!)

so there you have it....today you will announce the new co-host and it will be boring and safe and menopausal....all rolled up into one non threatening slightly over weight package...

So I beg of you one last time, consider my options...don't make me go to another network with this sweet idea!!

love
Jennifer Gordon

Dear (Insert Name Here) - Letters FROM celebrities!!!

(yes, we're changing it up, thanks to inspiration from jody, so....get to thinking, which celebrity are you)

Dear Jennifer Gordon

so, you think just because you saw me on tv and decided to love me again that we're cool...well we're not.

You called me a "manorexic tranny"....and I don;t even know what that is or how it's possible, all I know is that it's mean....you're a mean girl.

I'm skinny...so what, I'm a very busy person so I have little time to eat...I have things to buy, manicures to get, parties to go to...and hello, have you seen my husband...I have to have sex with him almost constantly, plus let's not forget who is going back on tour with the Spice Girls...that would be me...

I have a hard life, and I am just tired....no one understands how hard it is to be "Posh Spice", I mean all of you out there in the real world with your real jobs...you're all just "season salt spice" compared to me.

I'm sorry...where am I going with this....oh I don't know I've had a lot to drink and I have not eaten anything since early 2002...so you can only imagine how the champagne is affecting me.

Though I will say this to you Miss Gordon....with a screen name like "stilettoheights" you sort of won me over....you seem like a girl who knows shoes...so inside it's like we're sisters.

sorry again, the champagne is talking....ow wait my husband is here, I have to go have sex with him now.

your enemy, or best friend...I have not made up my mind

Victoria Beckham

so tired

oooooooooooooohhhhhhhh I am sleepy today, seriously sleepy.

Yesterday I did a marathon pf creating, I finished 8 collages as well as worked on a commission that should be done today...I think just the thought of moving soon gave me so much added energy and drive...I can't wait to be settled into the new place and begin a new phase of our life.

my bubs and I are really so happy, you see we have been longing for a fresh start, in new place that is not tied to any bad memories....you see we have had so much struggle in our little apartment, don't get me wrong, there are millions of wonderful memories too, but it just feels like this place was tying us to the past, and the new house, well, that is our future....or at least our present!

I know, I know I am babbling....oh speaking of babbling

Did any of you see the Posh Spice comes to America special last night???? Well you can believe I did, man...I love her, my Posh Spice Adoration which had begun to fade is now back full force, and I am feeling guilty that I ever called her a "manorexic tranny" in my letters to celebs.

I really wish there was an entire tv station that was just devoted to Posh Spice being Posh...I would get cable for that, she is just that darling to me.

Oh, and before I forget...tomorrow we are going to write a letter FROM a celebrity....so there will be some theatrics and roll play going on....pretend you are a celeb and write to someone....

hmmm, will I pretend to be Posh????

So the picture today is of one of the pieces that I did during my long creative jam yesterday...it is available in my shop

also, don't forget I am having a "Moving Sale", which is 30% off all items in my sale section, just write "moving" in the message and wait for a new invoice.

have a wonderful Tuesday!!

xoxoxo

Dear (Insert Name here) week who cares it's my 200th post

Dear Dame Victoria Beckham (aka Posh Spice)

ok, I may be jumping the gun by calling you "Dame" but really let's be honest, the damn Queen will knight and dame just about anyone these days, so I am guessing sometime next year you my dear will be "almost" royalty....good job on marrying up you by the way, I doubt that I would be saying this had you not given an heir to the Beckhams.

I am going to say some mean things, and you just need to know from the very bottom of my Spice Girl aching soul...that I do adore you.

In fact during my early 20's when the Spice Girls were H U G E, you were always my favorite, in fact me and the rest of my foxy and not so foxy rolodex all called dibs on which Spice Girl we were...and I was all about you baby. You see my overweight and overbearing bff at the time was "Ginger" so it seems fitting.

I chose you because ever then you knew how to wear clothes, and wear them you did.

When I heard you and Becks were a thing....well I knew I had made the right choice for as my fantasy Spice.

All this being said, I am left really wondering...what the hell is up with you lately? Have you seen yourself?

First, what is going on with the boob job? And honey, in all seriousness can you PLEASE eat something!!! Becks is not going to stop cheating on you no matter how thin you get. Right now, you look like a manorexic trannie trolling the streets of LA looking for some poor doofus to pick up, and by poor doofus, I mean Eddie Murphy.

Your hair...your porr beautiful hair, let it grow out, get rid of the blond it does not make you look more "LA" it just makes you look weird. Oh, and one more huge piece of advice....I know you are living next to the Robots Tom and Katie and their strange little alien baby...do not, I repeat DO NOT get sucked into that circle of the bizarre, please, I need to know your safe. I don;t want you to look like a robot like Katie.

Wait, what am I saying, you already look like a robot, but not in the Stepford wife kind of way...more like a sex bot gone all to hell.

Clean yourself up darlin, and start hanging with a real power couple Brad and Angie.

Love
Jennifer "Posh" Gordon


(that's all for now loves, you have just finished reading my 200th post, someone throw confetti at me and crack open the champagne and post some letters for me to read)