Dear (Insert Name here) week who cares it's my 200th post
Dear Dame Victoria Beckham (aka Posh Spice)
ok, I may be jumping the gun by calling you "Dame" but really let's be honest, the damn Queen will knight and dame just about anyone these days, so I am guessing sometime next year you my dear will be "almost" royalty....good job on marrying up you by the way, I doubt that I would be saying this had you not given an heir to the Beckhams.
I am going to say some mean things, and you just need to know from the very bottom of my Spice Girl aching soul...that I do adore you.
In fact during my early 20's when the Spice Girls were H U G E, you were always my favorite, in fact me and the rest of my foxy and not so foxy rolodex all called dibs on which Spice Girl we were...and I was all about you baby. You see my overweight and overbearing bff at the time was "Ginger" so it seems fitting.
I chose you because ever then you knew how to wear clothes, and wear them you did.
When I heard you and Becks were a thing....well I knew I had made the right choice for as my fantasy Spice.
All this being said, I am left really wondering...what the hell is up with you lately? Have you seen yourself?
First, what is going on with the boob job? And honey, in all seriousness can you PLEASE eat something!!! Becks is not going to stop cheating on you no matter how thin you get. Right now, you look like a manorexic trannie trolling the streets of LA looking for some poor doofus to pick up, and by poor doofus, I mean Eddie Murphy.
Your hair...your porr beautiful hair, let it grow out, get rid of the blond it does not make you look more "LA" it just makes you look weird. Oh, and one more huge piece of advice....I know you are living next to the Robots Tom and Katie and their strange little alien baby...do not, I repeat DO NOT get sucked into that circle of the bizarre, please, I need to know your safe. I don;t want you to look like a robot like Katie.
Wait, what am I saying, you already look like a robot, but not in the Stepford wife kind of way...more like a sex bot gone all to hell.
Clean yourself up darlin, and start hanging with a real power couple Brad and Angie.
Jennifer "Posh" Gordon
(that's all for now loves, you have just finished reading my 200th post, someone throw confetti at me and crack open the champagne and post some letters for me to read)