Dear (Insert Name Here)

Dear George Clooney

Ok, I know I have written to you before, but tough luck Chuck…

I just need to say that I am honestly glad you did not get seriously hurt in your recent motorcycle accident, and I am even more thrilled that this bad case of “road rash” you claim to have is not on your face….or any other “delicate” area.

(cough….if you know what I mean….wink, wink)

I guess I am also sort of happy that your girlfriend, whatever her name is, is ok too.

What is her name? Candy, Bimbi, ….oh it’s neither here nor there, I am just glad that her “broken toe” did not stop her from being buy your side and giving her first “official” interviews while being your girlfriend.

Now, I have had a broken toe, and forgive me if I speak out of step (pun) but I am pretty sure you don’t need a big get up of bandages and crutches….

Right?

I mean, I had a broken toe and still managed to be in 5 daily and nightly shows of A Christmas Carol, and yes, I did have to dance too….

So, what am I getting at? What am I insinuating about your precious little Bimbi, well that perhaps….just perhaps, she is all in it for the attention.

“Look at me, look at me, I’m with Old Man Clooney”

"Look at me, look at me, my toe is broken, please write about how well I’m dressed on page 6”

“Look at me, look at me, I clearly have some unresolved Daddy issues”

And so on and so forth.

She is awfully young, then again, you’re George Clooney for hell’s sake…The CLOONEY!!!! SO I guess you should be with younger women…

But please note for the record, I do not approve of this one, there is something strange about her, like she clips your hair while you are sleeping and saves it all in a jar, and has some strange scrapbook of your whole relationship, complete with custom made rubber stamps and decorative papers.

Or, I could be wrong.

All my love

President of the George Clooney Facts of Life Fan Club

Jennifer Gordon

Dear (Insert Name Here) Week 14

Dear Mr George Clooney

um, hi....how are you? It's been a while I know. I wanted to see how you were, I know I don't avidly stalk you the way I used to, but I did not want you to think I had forgotten about you completely, after all....that would be impossible to do you are George Clooney, friend to Brad and Angelina.

Yes, I am sorry but that is what you have become to me, just the friend to my celeb couple obsession. I remember several years ago when you were my number one obsession.

Hey, remember when I became totally obsessed with becoming your personal assistant? (the idea came to me after sitting through the credits on Oh, Brother Where Art Thou and seeing your assistants name in the credits, I turned to the no go hippie ex husband and said "I could do that").

The rest they say is history. I even half heartedly began to write a movie script, about a sort of down on her luck 20 something who becomes obsessed with the idea, the movie was a drama/comedy where this poor girl fixates on that idea instead of fixating what is wrong in her own life.

Throughout the never finished movie, there would be tears, laughter, and even some growing as a person, you would have made a small cameo in it too...well had I ever finished it, and had it gotten made.

Oh, and you can't forget that the lead character would have worn a sweet George Clooney t-shirt that had an iron on of you Mr. Clooney from the Facts of Life days...and under the dreamy picture of you it would have said "Clooney!" in sweet 1980's bubble letters or some crap.

So you see, I have come a long way....no more stalker girl for me...I bet you can sleep a little easier at night huh?

so...now to the point of the letter, um...can you give me Brad and Angelia's number, or just Angie's cell would be cool, I have a movie script to pitch to them.

xoxoxo
jennifer Gordon