Stiletto Heights

I am Jennifer Gordon- a mixed media collage artist and comic writer living in Columbus OH, with my fiance and love- Keith. I specialize in paintings, ACEOS, journals, art boxes and more. I am always available for commissions! Visit my etsy shop at: http://www.stilettoheights.etsy.com

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Dear (Insert Name Here) - Letters FROM celebrities!!!


(yes, we're changing it up, thanks to inspiration from jody, so....get to thinking, which celebrity are you)

Dear Jennifer Gordon

so, you think just because you saw me on tv and decided to love me again that we're cool...well we're not.

You called me a "manorexic tranny"....and I don;t even know what that is or how it's possible, all I know is that it's mean....you're a mean girl.

I'm skinny...so what, I'm a very busy person so I have little time to eat...I have things to buy, manicures to get, parties to go to...and hello, have you seen my husband...I have to have sex with him almost constantly, plus let's not forget who is going back on tour with the Spice Girls...that would be me...

I have a hard life, and I am just tired....no one understands how hard it is to be "Posh Spice", I mean all of you out there in the real world with your real jobs...you're all just "season salt spice" compared to me.

I'm sorry...where am I going with this....oh I don't know I've had a lot to drink and I have not eaten anything since early 2002...so you can only imagine how the champagne is affecting me.

Though I will say this to you Miss Gordon....with a screen name like "stilettoheights" you sort of won me over....you seem like a girl who knows shoes...so inside it's like we're sisters.

sorry again, the champagne is talking....ow wait my husband is here, I have to go have sex with him now.

your enemy, or best friend...I have not made up my mind

Victoria Beckham

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16 Comments:

Blogger CountryGirl_CityLife said...

"season salt spice" - love!

9:27 AM  
Blogger CountryGirl_CityLife said...

Dear Nicole -

What up Bitch, were you too busy trying to get knocked up to visit me on my little jail PR stunt? I heard Joel's equipment wasn't working all that great from all his extracuricular activities and skinny jeans. Men have it SO rough. I looked rather good in the orange jumpsuit, just so you know.

Anyway, Congrats on your future baby, bitch, I am a bit jealous that I didn't think of that. What are you going to do with the brat once you are done saving your ass from jail? Do you think Brad and Angie might adopt it? A kid would totally be annoying to have around in VIP and at least Angie believes in the same thinspiration habits as you do. She would never let your child be a complete fattie like Brit or Linds.

In case your plan doesn't work, don't pick up any soap in the shower, I don't know what that's all about but bitches always be dropping it, acting like you're actually going to pick something up in this lifetime. Jail isn't all that bad, the weight loss results are WAY faster than Canyon Ranch. You can totally do your make up still with some of the ink available, I am so bringing the blue eyeliner back.

ttyl,

Paris

P.S your tummy is looking a little icky, you should def watch what you eat and not go all crazy on the cheetos cause your preggers. I thought as your former bff, I would let you know.

9:41 AM  
Blogger m.Lee said...

You are a silly silly girl.

Normally celeb stuff just sends me into zzzzzzs but this made me giggle.

Thanks for the morning giggle Jenn!

9:47 AM  
Blogger stilettoheights said...

jody- that letter was amazing, I esp loved "Do you think Brad and Angie might adopt it?"

priceless!

9:48 AM  
Blogger The Dangerous Mezzo said...

I knew that "manorexic tranny" line was going to bother her.

Los Angeles is the perfect place for both of them, eh?

:)

10:02 AM  
Blogger Beej said...

Dear Jennifer Gordon,


You have love for almost everyone who is publicly slutty except us. Why is that? We wear low-cut dresses. We whore it up most everywhere I go. Heck, We've probably even uttered "flailing cock" once or twice when no microphones are on.

We've trounced about drunken and naked in foreign countries, and we've probably flunked out of whatever community colleges we could get in to.

Anyway, We am expecting some whore-love from you soon, or We will have to assume you are a godless harlot.

Sincerely
Jenna and Barbara Bush (the Twins!)

10:04 AM  
Blogger Twisted Stitches said...

That was the best morning read ever!

10:23 AM  
Blogger Columbus Fashion Week said...

lol, that was a good one,
check out my blog for their video you will get a good laugh about it
cheers

11:27 AM  
Blogger Beej said...

Dear Nayboor,

Why are yoo moveing away? I lets you see me nakid wenevar yoo want.

Yoo shuld come over fore some meth before yoo go.

Yourn,
Flailing Cock McGee (yoor Nayboor)

1:02 PM  
Blogger stilettoheights said...

ben- hahahahahahahahah!! Though I think my naked neighbor is only famous here...

as for the Bush twins....let them call me a godless harlot, I've been called worse, lol.

1:10 PM  
Blogger http://afancifultwist.typepad.com said...

I love the comment from naked neighboooor. LOVE IT!!! heheheehe.. Oh, did you see who PerezHilton is??? Just som erandom guy!! I thought maybe he would be some fab latino drag queen.. Sheesh... xoxoxo

10:54 PM  
Blogger KSV said...

I saw the "Coming to America" show for the first time on Monday night. I have to admit, Posh Spice is pretty hysterical and you captured her quite well. All I want to do is shoe shop. I really like that she says the word knickers instead of panties or undies. I think I am adding that word to my vocabulary. Cheerio!!

7:05 AM  
Blogger coco said...

hahahaha this is genious
great post again

7:09 AM  
Blogger jungle dream pagoda said...

Best post ever !!! Love all around to you,Jody, Beej,Nekid Nayboor et all! HHAAAAAhaHAHAHAAAAAHA!!

11:34 AM  
Blogger alexgirl said...

I love your letter! You and Posh ARE like sisters underneath! haha.
Brilliant.
Jody's letter is kind of amazing as well!

2:13 PM  
Blogger Columbus Fashion Week said...

Posh says no to Paris on becoming friends, the article in my blog

5:45 PM  

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