Dear (Insert Name Here)
Dear Barbara Walters
so today is the big day I guess...you announce who is going to replace..............snore...........zzzzzzzzz
what oops, sorry, I fell asleep thinking about "The View" and what a miserable and boring excuse for why women have the reputation for being annoying and crazy, seriously it's like watching a bad sitcom about pregnancy and menopause.
While having a discussion with my bubs last night the subject of "The View" came up, and now I have a little pitch for you...
ditch all those tired hags you have on there now, we need a little fresh blood, they should be replaced with...
me, Posh Spice, Sarah Jessica Parker, Tina Turner, and Michelle Tanner
please note the when I say Michelle Tanner, I do mean that one of the Olsen Twins will be on the show at all times, but we will just trade them out for one another on various days...or hell even during the show, it will be a fun game...because let's face it....no one can tell them apart, not really...I love those bitches and I'm still thinking to myself, wait which one is the suicidal one???
So that should be the "New View", I think it has all the makings of a mid morning ratings power house....oh and my bubs said that the line up would have to change for one day each year (his birthday) then the line up would be...
me, Sarah Jessica Parker who will keep me company while he stares at Andie MacDowell (his long time movie bubs), and Reese Witherspoon (his new movie bubs)
I know what your thinking Babs (mind if I call you that?) you're thinking where the hell is sweet Angie Jolie...well we thought about that, and came to the realization that we don't want a bunch of kids trolling about, so she's out!!!
One final thing, one final plea as a present to my Bubs...there used to be a "Man View" on...it had a bunch of F-Listers on it...what happened to that show? For the record, I would like to publicly declare that it should be brought back, with the following line up (line up courtesy of my bubs who put A LOT of thought into it).
My Bubs (he would be the "Barbara Walters" only on the show sometimes), Sir Ian McKellen, Billy Zane, Harvey Pekar, and (Big Fat) Toby Keith (TK!)
so there you have it....today you will announce the new co-host and it will be boring and safe and menopausal....all rolled up into one non threatening slightly over weight package...
So I beg of you one last time, consider my options...don't make me go to another network with this sweet idea!!