Stiletto Heights

I am Jennifer Gordon- a mixed media collage artist and comic writer living in Columbus OH, with my fiance and love- Keith. I specialize in paintings, ACEOS, journals, art boxes and more. I am always available for commissions! Visit my etsy shop at:

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Dear (Insert Name Here)

Dear Barbara Walters

so today is the big day I announce who is going to replace..............snore...........zzzzzzzzz

what oops, sorry, I fell asleep thinking about "The View" and what a miserable and boring excuse for why women have the reputation for being annoying and crazy, seriously it's like watching a bad sitcom about pregnancy and menopause.

While having a discussion with my bubs last night the subject of "The View" came up, and now I have a little pitch for you...

ditch all those tired hags you have on there now, we need a little fresh blood, they should be replaced with...

me, Posh Spice, Sarah Jessica Parker, Tina Turner, and Michelle Tanner

please note the when I say Michelle Tanner, I do mean that one of the Olsen Twins will be on the show at all times, but we will just trade them out for one another on various days...or hell even during the show, it will be a fun game...because let's face one can tell them apart, not really...I love those bitches and I'm still thinking to myself, wait which one is the suicidal one???

So that should be the "New View", I think it has all the makings of a mid morning ratings power house....oh and my bubs said that the line up would have to change for one day each year (his birthday) then the line up would be...

me, Sarah Jessica Parker who will keep me company while he stares at Andie MacDowell (his long time movie bubs), and Reese Witherspoon (his new movie bubs)

I know what your thinking Babs (mind if I call you that?) you're thinking where the hell is sweet Angie Jolie...well we thought about that, and came to the realization that we don't want a bunch of kids trolling about, so she's out!!!

One final thing, one final plea as a present to my Bubs...there used to be a "Man View" had a bunch of F-Listers on it...what happened to that show? For the record, I would like to publicly declare that it should be brought back, with the following line up (line up courtesy of my bubs who put A LOT of thought into it).

My Bubs (he would be the "Barbara Walters" only on the show sometimes), Sir Ian McKellen, Billy Zane, Harvey Pekar, and (Big Fat) Toby Keith (TK!)

so there you have you will announce the new co-host and it will be boring and safe and menopausal....all rolled up into one non threatening slightly over weight package...

So I beg of you one last time, consider my options...don't make me go to another network with this sweet idea!!

Jennifer Gordon

Labels: , , , , , ,


Blogger Meg said...

If you ever got your own way with this (and you should), I'd watch it. I'd probably have to switch music on whenever Mrs Becks opens her mouth but apart from that, I think it'd be swell. Maybe she can be like your token idiot, like the one you all mock and she never quite gets it. Angelina Jolie also makes me lose my noodle too, she's represents everything I hate about aliens...I mean humans.

Re: That was a beautiful desc. maybe I should use that as a quote on my entry.

PS. The word verification code for me to post this comment is lazyboi, isn't that wierd?

8:18 AM  
Blogger Beej said...

Jenn, why don't you ever shower love on Ann Hathaway? I mean, come on!

9:07 AM  
Blogger jungle dream pagoda said...

CHILD !!! This is the show I would watch!!!! I don't even look up from my 2 month old people ,when I am at the gym on the stairmaster and this chestnut happens to be on.
Oh,and as the new Barbara Walters you could have us all on as different features experts,I meen I would LOVE to talk vintage fashion with the entity that is Michelle Tanner(especially the suicidal one,she might have an interesting take on say ...Madame Gres'). I also love your Bubs male version,but could we throw in William Shatner and perhaps Joss Whedon?

10:49 AM  
Anonymous kate said...

Nice, It is a brilliant post! I might actually watch the New View! LOL

11:36 AM  
Blogger Gabreial said...

This is genius. Thanks for the laugh.. seriously.

12:01 PM  
Blogger KSV said...

Ok, You and Tina Turner would be enough for me to be front and center at every show. I came to the realization the other day that love Tina Turner. I am a huge fan and I love singing along to her music in the car. good letter. I need to think of who to write to and I'll be back with a witty laughable letter.

1:54 PM  
Blogger m.Lee said...

Daytime TV shows how little the media respects women. And the majority of women seem to eat it up with a spoon because all this View, Oprah, Dr. Phil crap is a huge hit. And it is great at peddling even more shit like "The Secret" and Oprah with her colon cleansing. $$$$$$$$$$$$

le sigh

3:20 PM  
Anonymous A Fanciful Twist said...

Hahahahaha! We need a controversial new show by you for certain!!!!! xoxoxox

3:36 PM  
Blogger Amy C. Martin said...

I vote for Michelle Tanner - just to see if they could possibly have anything of interest to say at all.

4:55 AM  
Blogger Sweet Spice said...

i couldn't agree more...and my hubby refers to the Olsen twins as the Monkey twins lol

12:10 AM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

Tina forever, she's so stylish even at her age!

2:26 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home