Masks...Sexy or Scary?

I did this painting the other day, and I have had varying reactions to it...

1- I don't like it, it reminds me of Eyes Wide Shut

2- That is so hot!!!

3- I don't get it...

I personally love it, I love that it is remiscent of Eyes Wide Shut (1 of only 2 good Tom Cruise movies)...I also like that the colors are smokey and warm, like autum, and Halloween.

This piece also reminds me of taking acting classes at the Institute so many years ago, it was fall, and we were doing great Mask work, it reminds me of a time when I loved acting and theatre, before I let it get to me...before all the back-stabbing and bull shit got in the way. When it was just about losing onself in a good way...waht it became was me losing myself, but in a bad way.

It is hard to explain, this painting is a visual poem, it is Oedipus Rex, and Anias Nin, all warpped together, this is who I was and who I was afraid of becoming.

As I type this and babble away, I know I make very little sense sometimes, and this could be one of them.

The day has been long, and filled woth comic books and small talk, my eyes are tired and I look forward to and dread having to stay up late and paint tonight to get ready for the trunk show on Monday.

I am scared of being a failure, and I am scared of being a success, so much like the painting, I will put on a mask, and see what happens next.

The piece is called "This is Our Secret" and it is available in my etsy shop.

Twiggy is here!!!!

Last week I wrote about how I saw a Twiggy Lunch box at a toy show...since thewn I have been on a Twiggy kick.
So while I was at Craftin Outlaws, Keith went to an auction, and low and behold...he found a Twiggy Fashion Tote.

AWESOME!!

This little number is from 1967, and was put out to hold all the Twiggy Fashions for you Twiggy dolls, she was Barbie's friend too if you didn't know!!

So this is the bag, I love it, I even contemplated using it as a purse...until of course I looked up the bag on ebay, I found some other Twiggy nonsense...and well, the temptation got to be too much for me...it is now up on ebay....I know, I know, ebay sucks...but so does not ahving money for groceries and art supplies.

For now, the beautiful Twiggy fashion tote is living at my side, by my computer...like a little cat or tea-cup poodle.

I am major problems, I know this, please son't judge harshly...I am sensitive.

oh, and I got an e mail from a book publisher that might want to include me in an art technique book.....


oh my god!!! So cool if somehting happens with it, I'll keep you posted!! I looked up the publishing company and the company itself is totally legit!!

things have been a bit slow on etsy for a few days....but I am really loving the new things I am doing, so that is all that matters.

When it's all said and done...

ok, I survived Craftin Outlaws and my first evert art and craft show...and it was pretty fun, not at all as scary as I thought...I know, I know I am a big baby.
Now I am doing my first "trunk show" a week from today, so I will be busy trying to get stuff together for that as well!!
The night before the show I was freaking out, not about what to bring, or worried that I wouldn't sell anything...but I was freaking about about the obvious....

WHAT TO WEAR?????

first, I've been too too lazy/busy to work out, so I am feeling far less than glam and lovely, so the outfit had to be perfect...I spent Friday night discussing with Keith what I should wear...he was a good sport, and only rolled his eyes about 10 times during the ordeal.

There were a few things that I knew I wanted...I wanted it to contain brown, so I could use my new Burberry plaid bag...I also got a new skirt so I could finally wear a certain pair of shoes that I have been carrying around with me everytime I have moved for the past 3 years...this was the perfect event to wear them.

Need less to say, I was more than pleased with the outfit on the hanger, cute little flare skirt, black t-shirt with a sweater a scarf and of course...cute shoes and purse...yet when I put it on...well, not as much of a success as I would have hoped...but I had no time, it was what I had to go with.

I was parading around our room, modeling for K. pointing out the subtleties of the outfit, the purse, the shoes...all of it- he mustered a lackluster, you look fine...yet then he got suddenly excited, looking at me with such a light in his eyes...it almost made me cry, he had such love on his face, then he said.......................

Your outfit matches the color of my Superman Archive! (then he ran to get the book to show me).

He was right, who knew he had such an eye for color?

SO that is the story of the little outfit that could, and the little artist as well.

Here is a little something I have on my etsy store right now. It is a box, and I called it "A Girl Named Ophelia...I think it is really pretty...and sometimes you just need something pretty.

I have more photos of it on etsy, so you can see the whole thing.

oh, and while I was at the show, Keith bought a 1967 Twiggy Fashion Tote...so cool, I will be selling it on Ebay I think, but I will blog about it tomorrow most likely...I want to keep it...lol!

Countdown

I have just a few days until Craftin Outlaws...I'm gearing up and getting nervous.

Everyone keeps saying not to be but I can't help it...I am a Craft SHow virgin afterall...lol. I am thankful that it is at a bar, the alcohol might help, much like losing my actual virginity.

I have been creating like mad, when I get home from the shop I get right to painting, and that has been great, though I am so tired, it will feel good to have a little rest when the weekend is over.

Also, I have been talking to someone at a gallery who is interested in carrying my work...Yay!!

So, sorry that my blog has been lacking, my snarkiness...not quite so snarky. Please forgive.

Oh, and today was comic day at the shop, and the new issue of Catwoman came in, and you finally find out who the father of her baby is...I can spoil this because I know no one who reads this cares...so, it's not Batman, damn it!!! They have been banging for years now, he leaves town for a while and she hooked up with someone else, not just someone...but Wildcat from the JSA.

I need icecream, I am very upset.

Here is a piece that I am going to be bringing with me to Craftin Outlaws, it is also available on Etsy. It is called Taxi Dancer Love Affair.

My Love Affair with Smoking

Now that it is getting a bit cooler out, Keith begings his yearly ritual of smoking, either a pipe or a cigar, he starts about mid-September and smokes until Christmas, he does this every year, as he says it reminds him of home...

This beautiful and sad little ritual started after he moved to Ohio so many years ago...

I will say this, I love it, I love that smokey smell...oh, I know it's bad, I know it's unhealthy...but I don't care, because the smell of Keith smoking does not remind me of home, but of my youth...sitting on cool mornings, with the very same person who I loved when I was young...it makes me dreamy...dare I say, it makes me swoon.

I should not like this...after all as an ex-smoker I should be upset...I should be upset about the poor poor condition of my lungs, I should should be reminded of the sickness it can cause...but I don't think about it. I smell the smoke, and all I can think is, God...it is cool.

I know, I know...it's not...but it still seems cool, especially now that no one I know smokes around me very much, now it holds the same allure it did when I was a teenager, and I was sneaking off to the cemetary with a stolen pack of my mom's smokes and some wine coolers...we would lay in the grass, smoke stolen cigarettes, and just bask in the glory of how cool we were.

I feel the same way if I even hold a cigarette now, I just keep saying "look how cool this is".

I know, I know...it's not, right? God I hate being a grown up, I hate having bad lungs and the memory of my father's death all associated with smoking...why can't it be cool, why can't I be transformed into a Hollywood glamour girl* that would rock...until then I just have me...and my guy, and his beautiful fall tradition, and hos smokey flannel shirts that make me feel 16.

I did this ACEO last night called "She Was Nothing But Smoke and Mirrors" it is available in my etsy shop.

*speaking of glamor girl...when I was little there were these little dolls called "Glamor Gals" they were little and I loved them with everything I could spare...I went to a toy show this weekend and I looked for them, but could not find any...I did find a vintage lunchbox featuring 1960's pop culture icon "Twiggy", I found it ironic that she would be featured on a food container....(she was an anorexic super model at the time...she also guest hosted an ealy episode of the Muppet Show)

The Most Beautiful Thing

I have been slacking, not blogging as much, sorry loyal readers...lol all 5 of you.

Things have seemed hectic, yet at the end of the day nothing feels like it has been done, but such is life right.

Was watching the news last nigh (and by news, I mean Access Hollywood) and I heard the most wonderful thing...fashion week Madrid is starting Tomorrow, and they have officially banned Waif Models from any of the catwalk shows...AMEN, finally people will not be applauding Anorexia and herion chic...

Now I understand, that the models will still seem abnormally skinny to most, but now they have to have a minimum body fat index of 18, which is still skinny, but not dangerous.

Let's hear it for health...not like I should really talk, today I had cheesecake for breakfast and then had some smore pop-tarts for lunch...I'm all hopped up on sugar...soon I will crash hard and fast and hate myself for eating the sweets and feel bad that I have been too busy to workout...but right now, I'm feeling good, I'm feeling good about me, who I am, my talent, and my less than perfect size 8 body.

Today, and only for today, I could be a model...lol.

The photo is of an art card that I did, it is from a line of cards that a portion of the proceeds for for Breast Cancer Research. I figured the theme for today should be health, even with the cheesecake breakfast.

The card is titled "The Most Beautiful Thing II" and it is for sale in my etsy store.

kisses to everyone...oh, and I hit 300 sales today!!! Huge milestone for me.

It has been raining for days

For the past few days I have been overwhelmed completely by a sense of homesickness...strange, I know. While living in NH I longed to be somewhere else, and now that I am...I miss it.

I miss the mill buildings and the beautiful red leaves against a crisp blue sky...I want to feel the warmautumn sun on my skin, to be lost in thought...that is what ispired this piece that is up for sale in my etsy store. The piece is called "The Sun on My Skin, The Thoughts in My Head"

I think it is because it has been raining here for days, that must be it...all I know is that I am longing for something, I feel like I am in expectation of something wonderful...but I don;t know what it is, or if it will ever get here.

I am slowly trying to get ready for Craftin Outlaws which is next weekend, I am petrified because I have never done a show like this, and I don't have anyone to be with me there either, so I am scared, I have no idea how it will be.

I am hoping I do well there, money has been real tight lately, it would be nice to be able to breath easy, even if it is just for a minute, plus the girl in me really wants to be able to buy something nice to wear to a trunk show I am doing the following week.

Things have been slow on etsy for me for the past several days, it scare me a little...I am trying some new things with my work, I love what I am doing but I am not sure how well it is going over, I just don't want to get stuck in a rut. Not in art, or in life.

Where were you?

today...it's a solemn day, around the country, around the world...yet when I turned on the local news this morning all they could talk about was the damn OSU football game form the weekend, that was the top story...followed by...remembering 9/11

The priorities are totally f-ed up.

It is hard for me to believe that it wa s5 years ago, it makes me feel so sad, for the day of course, for aging 5 years, yes, for the memories of who I was and who exactly I was not fove years ago...probably that too.

Where was I when it happend? On the phone with a friend, talking about how I should call into work so we could go show shopping...then a plane flew into Tower 1, and things changed.

I was there, and I wasn't...I was in NH, far away from the chaos, I was knee-deep in a first marriage that made me unhappy , I was involved in a relationship that nearly destroyed me...I had a job I loved, and I was in a play at the time that I hated. I was sick and didn't know it...a month later I would be in a hospital bed, not knowing what would happen to me....and I knew things had to change.

I was there, and I wasn't...that day, that fateful day that changed the world, that changed me.

I love New York, in the same head over heels way I love Autumn in New England, and the way I love Keith, with that consuming first love ache...

This painting is called "Butterfly Girl (A New York Dream) it is part of the New York series of paintings that I am doing featuring Bellajean photography. It is for sale in my etsy store, and as I type these words, it is here in front of me...my New York Dream, the most beautiful thing in the world.

I wish...I wish...

today has been hectic, and one of those days where you work your butt off, and you feel like you are spinng you wheels, that you never get anywhere...

that's actually my whole life right now...well, except, personally and creatively, everything is great, financially and business wise...it is all stress all the time.

I had to pick up my medicine last night, it was over $200, just for one....grrrrr.

I wish that today, instead of being woken up by my neighbors poodle who had barked almost non-stop for 3 days...I wish instead of that, that I could have stayed in bed, cozy and secure. Feeling cool September air coming though the window.

I wish that instead of rushing around this morning and getting the comic order and all that nonsense, that Keith and I could have had coffee and sweet cakes, then he would have played the guitar, and I would paint....I with that there could be a time, when he did not seem worried, and I felt really good...I wish all these things....

Last night my back was starting to feel a bit better, I was able to finish a couple pieces that I was working on, this is one of them...slightly sexy, a bit naughty...maybe that's another wish...who knows...it is called "Impossible to Resist"

It is for sale in my shop.

I did it...

Today the unexpected happened, I got to the shop, and as per my normal ritual, I turn on the computer, before I even hit the lights on or crack open my first low carb Monster energy drink...I turn on the computer and pull up the Etsy site. I obsess, I check my shop, see if anything sold over night when I was away from the machine (last night, it was a journal).

I do this every day, sometimes stuff sells, sometimes it doesn't, but this is my ritual, then I check my etsy messages, move on from there, to real e mail, back to etsy, and so it goes...but this morning I noticed I had more messages than usual, especially having only sold one piece last night, and there it was when I checked the messages, there were several, that had the word "Congrats" in the subject...someway, somehow...I had eeeked my way onto the 100 Top Sellers List...

I did hope for this, I wanted to be there, but I had no idea or inkling that it would happen anytime soon. I am at 99, which in all actuality means that I will probably be knocked off the list tomorrow, but for right now, well...right now I am proud of myself.

The strange thing is, I am most proud of myself for having the courage to put my work out there, for other people to even see it, I used to (and still do inside) think of each piece of artwork almost as if it is pages ripped from my diary, instead of words I am using colors and pictures...and everytime I list something, or sell something...I am scared for a minute, what if people hate it, or what if they understand what it is I am saying, and they don't ahte it, but hate me...

childish...yes, I'm afraid it is...my ex once read my journal, as a way to punish me...he read my poetry and would constantly ask about phrases, what did it mean...who was I talking about...words betrayed me, so I turned to art. I turned to collage, color, texture, and hidden meaning, thickly layered subtext to tell my stories, express my thoughts, scream my fears, and rejoice in the very beauty and pain that is everyday life...

To be able to put these emotions on a canvas...and then hold them up for people to see...well, it's frightening. But I am doing it, I do it everyday.

That is why I am proud.

The piece I am featuring today is actually on hold for someone, a woman named Angie, who has been an incredible support during these early months of me selling my work. She has come back time and time again for more pieces...I am so thankful to her, and to everyone who has bought something from me!!

I am running a special secret 10% off everything in my shop sale- as a thank you for getting me to the Top Seller list...even if it is only fleeting, I know I was there once.

If you want to take part in the sale, just buy whatever you want, and write Top Seller in the message to Buyer section, and I will invoice you with the fixed prices.

thanks again everyone!!

A New York Minute

since opening my store on etsy four months ago, I have made a ton of new and wonderful friends, all of whom deserve me to write accolades about them, but today I am going to write about Dani, from Bellajean.

Dani is an incredible photographer, prbably one of the best I have seen and that is really saying somehting. She has this incredible way of photographing buildings, they almost seem to be alive...that sounds strange I know, I don't mean alive in a crazy sci-fi way...but alive in the sense that you can imagine the life within them so totally.

So one day, while bonding over our mutual love for Marilyn Monroe, New York City, and Little Debbie Cakes, we decided that we wanted to do a co-production of sorts, my collage and painting with her photos...

Her New York photos are our first project together, as I adore the city, and ache for its intensity, and heat...I ache for thyis so bad that I can almost feel it calling to me from the Mid-West.

I did this piece which I titled New York Rose -An Afternoon in the City it is a piece I am incredibly proud of, I decided to concentrate on the intimacy of such a large city, the very small story that it can really be about.

Thank you Dani for the inspiration and letting me use the wonderful image of Washington Square Park...

I went to school dressed as what?????

With the appoaching holiday season, people have been coming to me with their commission requests, some I am up for....others have been met with a resounding "um...no, no I...I just can't" (this was in response to someone who wanted a series of kitten and puppy ACEOs).

One of the requests I got was to do an art box of the Madonna...I will admit, I was barely listening, and at first thought the person was asking for Madonna- the material girl...not Madonna- mother of God.

Low and behold...they meant...mother of God.

To set the record straight...I have not been religious for wuite sometime now, though I am not a candle buring heathen either, I am just somewhere in the middle. I like to think that I would be a Buddhist...If I doidn't hate so many things...

wait, I am getting off track here. I need to focus.

I was asked to do something that involved the Virgin Mary, I'll say this, it's been a long time since I was asked to do a "virgin" anything...frankly, I was and still am scared by this. I am out of my element. I am best when dealing with subtle sensuality, beauty, bombshells, sexy anything...how am I going to be able to do this???

When I was little I went to Catholic School, my mother was devout, my father...not so much, he liked the idea of me going to Catholic School because of the better education, my mom liked the whole religious thing, and frankly I liked it there.

One of the schools I went to I had to wear a uniform...eeek. little plaid, little socks...oh, I don't even want to think about the tie...sad thing is, if I wore that today it would be an entirely different story...

The other school I went to had a strict dress code, but no uniform. This was hard...after all I was a very fashion forward 10 year old. Madonna (Material Girl) was everything to me...loved her. In fact I wanted to be her, with those cool acid wash jeans...oh, wait, we were not allowed to wear jeans to school...drat!!! That's ok, I could still wear that lacy tank top...oh wait, that's right, NO TANK TOPS, what was I going to do?????

I was at a lost, was I stuck wearing dress trousers and slouch socks for my entire school year....

I poured over the school handbook, there had to be loop holes, there had to be a way around it...

My favorite ooutfit/bad Madonna Wannabee costume that I could wear to school was this matching shirt/pant set...it was white, with brightly colored "paint splatters" all over it, since we couldn't wear sneakers I was forced to wear dress shoes with this, but that's ok, becasue I wore little hot pink pumps...oh yeah...it was hot.

My jewelry was cutting edge as well, I wore about 100 multi-colored jelly bracelets on each arm, and fingerlace lace gloves and my hair was tied up in a side ponytail.

I WAS AWESOME...or so I thought. I would wear this little number to school at least once a week, once though I made the mistake of wearing it to school on Bible Study day, this was the day that we would meet with the priest and have class, nit just with the nuns...

It was there, that I got singled out, and publicly ridiculed for my outfit, nit just the outfit...but my choice in heroes, the priest called Madonna a "harlot" and said I would bea "harlot" too if I didn't "change my ways"...I was devastated...

I went home in tears, begging to be taken out of the school, that no one there "understood" me...The next year I was removed from the school and put into public school (which was by far an even worse experience).

Since then, I have always felt like the outsider, the harlot in nun's clothing if you will...

I accepted the job to make the Virgin Mary box...I have tried to acclimate myself to this by doing a few other Madonna inspired pieces as well, this is one titled "Mother and Child" it is available in my etsy store.

I am hoping that no one calls my bluff, that they will not see that I am really still a 10 year old all dressed up like Madonna inside, that they will just look at it, and it will mean something to them...far different than what it means to me...

I know this was long and probably made no sense...but I am hungry, and cannot be held responsible for anything I have said here...