Dear (Insert Name Here)
Dear George Clooney
Ok, I know I have written to you before, but tough luck Chuck…
I just need to say that I am honestly glad you did not get seriously hurt in your recent motorcycle accident, and I am even more thrilled that this bad case of “road rash” you claim to have is not on your face….or any other “delicate” area.
(cough….if you know what I mean….wink, wink)
I guess I am also sort of happy that your girlfriend, whatever her name is, is ok too.
What is her name? Candy, Bimbi, ….oh it’s neither here nor there, I am just glad that her “broken toe” did not stop her from being buy your side and giving her first “official” interviews while being your girlfriend.
Now, I have had a broken toe, and forgive me if I speak out of step (pun) but I am pretty sure you don’t need a big get up of bandages and crutches….
I mean, I had a broken toe and still managed to be in 5 daily and nightly shows of A Christmas Carol, and yes, I did have to dance too….
So, what am I getting at? What am I insinuating about your precious little Bimbi, well that perhaps….just perhaps, she is all in it for the attention.
“Look at me, look at me, I’m with Old Man Clooney”
“Look at me, look at me, I clearly have some unresolved Daddy issues”
And so on and so forth.
She is awfully young, then again, you’re George Clooney for hell’s sake…The CLOONEY!!!! SO I guess you should be with younger women…
But please note for the record, I do not approve of this one, there is something strange about her, like she clips your hair while you are sleeping and saves it all in a jar, and has some strange scrapbook of your whole relationship, complete with custom made rubber stamps and decorative papers.
Or, I could be wrong.
All my love
President of the George Clooney Facts of Life Fan Club