Stiletto Heights

I am Jennifer Gordon- a mixed media collage artist and comic writer living in Columbus OH, with my fiance and love- Keith. I specialize in paintings, ACEOS, journals, art boxes and more. I am always available for commissions! Visit my etsy shop at:

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Dear (Insert Name Here)

Dear George Clooney

Ok, I know I have written to you before, but tough luck Chuck…

I just need to say that I am honestly glad you did not get seriously hurt in your recent motorcycle accident, and I am even more thrilled that this bad case of “road rash” you claim to have is not on your face….or any other “delicate” area.

(cough….if you know what I mean….wink, wink)

I guess I am also sort of happy that your girlfriend, whatever her name is, is ok too.

What is her name? Candy, Bimbi, ….oh it’s neither here nor there, I am just glad that her “broken toe” did not stop her from being buy your side and giving her first “official” interviews while being your girlfriend.

Now, I have had a broken toe, and forgive me if I speak out of step (pun) but I am pretty sure you don’t need a big get up of bandages and crutches….


I mean, I had a broken toe and still managed to be in 5 daily and nightly shows of A Christmas Carol, and yes, I did have to dance too….

So, what am I getting at? What am I insinuating about your precious little Bimbi, well that perhaps….just perhaps, she is all in it for the attention.

“Look at me, look at me, I’m with Old Man Clooney”

"Look at me, look at me, my toe is broken, please write about how well I’m dressed on page 6”

“Look at me, look at me, I clearly have some unresolved Daddy issues”

And so on and so forth.

She is awfully young, then again, you’re George Clooney for hell’s sake…The CLOONEY!!!! SO I guess you should be with younger women…

But please note for the record, I do not approve of this one, there is something strange about her, like she clips your hair while you are sleeping and saves it all in a jar, and has some strange scrapbook of your whole relationship, complete with custom made rubber stamps and decorative papers.

Or, I could be wrong.

All my love

President of the George Clooney Facts of Life Fan Club

Jennifer Gordon

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Blogger WendiWinn said...

i like your 'dear' fan letters. they crack me up!

8:01 AM  
Blogger moogan said...

i love that you made her into a crazed scrap booker!
great letter once again

8:36 AM  
Blogger Craftymoose Crafts said...

Tears in my eyes--just too funny--and a bit eerie...because just the other day I was thinking why is this guy still single?

Thanks for your letter/comment on my blog...have to admit I was scared for a minute that I was the "Dear Wednesday Letter"! Kidding! I'd adopt you anytime!

9:12 AM  
Blogger Jen Vecc said...

love it!! i love your letters!

9:19 AM  
Blogger Aaron said...

So what's her deal again? She was a contestant on Fear Factor or something?

I hate to say it, but she's pretty cute. Go, Old Man Clooney, go. While you're still in your forties.

9:56 AM  
Blogger fernfiddlehead said...

These fan letters are hilarious. Thanks for brightening my morning

10:13 AM  
Anonymous Elsita said...

Hola Jennifer!
I am so glad that I found your blog.
You are one-of-a-kind person and I 100% enjoy what you write, your sense of humor, everything.
Thank you so much!
Elsita :)

10:38 AM  
Blogger Beej said...

Boy, she sure is pretty.

11:34 AM  
Blogger Chickenbells said... much to say about this girl...and I think you nailed it didn't you? I broke a toe once and all anybody did was tape it to the other ones...I didn't even get a fancy dress out of it!

(Heroes rocks hard...but the opening show this year made us worried that it's going to be a slow season...what do you think?)

11:49 AM  
Blogger jungle dream pagoda said...

Spewing my diet Red Bull !!!!!!!
One of your best! Yup,I bet she has started a scrapbook.
Oh,and bless your sweet heart,X-mas Carol with a broken toe? The only thing worse was if it had been Fiddler on the Roof!

11:57 AM  
Blogger Steph said...

Terrific letter!

12:30 PM  
Anonymous Seraphine said...

You write wickedly fun letters.
Maybe it's the press reports, but it seems all he talks about is *his* cracked ribs with hardly a nod to *her* broken foot.

2:57 PM  
Anonymous Noelle said...

I love George Clooney absolutely and without judgment. And because my boyfriend has salt and pepper hair, sometimes I squint my eyes and pretend he's George. There are other reasons I date him, I just can't remember any of them right now.

4:10 PM  
Blogger Ming_the_Merciless said...

Poor Clooney! You are right about not messy up his pretty face.

In all honesty, he's one of the saner celebrities out there so I wish him good luck with everything he does.

9:35 PM  
Blogger Ming_the_Merciless said...

BTW, I'm watching Bionic Woman now and am so glad they didn't select a skinny chic to play Jamie Summers.

9:38 PM  
Anonymous sara girlscantell said...

um, i don't know how he has time to be my boyfriend, an intern for the go fug yourself gals AND your boyfriend. i say we do a craft-off to see who gets to claim him as theirs, miss stiletto.

12:45 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

i love your letters. i may have to snag the idea later ;)

i also love me some george clooney. ocean's 11 is one of my favorites!

2:48 PM  

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