from that to this

good morning loves


so yesterday was a rather blah day....I went from a near perfect Wednesday to a Thursday that left me feeling anxious and rather bad.

we all have those days those moments and hours plagued with self doubt and fear...those days when everything you touch turns out not quite "right".

I worked and worked and ended up getting more frustrated and angry than anything else....leading me down that road of obsession and turmoil.

yes, I am being melodramatic...and not being a very good blogger at that.

Sorry...I think I was riding high for so long with the move to the new house, a wonderful creative burst of energy, and all the wonderful things associated that now this is the inevitable crash, the low, it is unfortunate that it is coming at this time, this time when I need to be productive and make this "art thing" work for me as a job, at a time when I need to have things ready for Craftin Outlaws....OK I know I am ready physically for the show I know I am almost where I need to be but with doing a show (which I rarely do) comes all the questions that plague me...

what if I suck?
what if no one buys anything?
what if the tent collapses and water pours all over everything I have and ruins it?
what if my hair looks bad that day?
what if people think I'm ugly?
what if people think I'm a hack?

and so on, and so on.....

I am being silly, right? I know I am, logically I know I am being too sensitive, but the non logical part of me, the part that houses the creative side of me, the emotional side....is all a mess right now.

all raw and exposed, you see sometimes I am a smart, talented, confidant, artist who is more than comfortable in her own skin...and then sometimes I am that girl in 7th grade that everyone made fun of who would eat lunch with her teacher and get peanuts thrown at her on the bus.

you know....that's enough enough bad yucky self doubt for the morning....I am going to do a top 5 list and then be on my way...

ok top 5 things that are wonderful right now

1- root beer floats
2- my friend Steve came over yesterday with a dvd box set of the best of Shark Week....
3- The new issue of the Buffy comic is all about Faith and Giles....like it was written specifically for me to love
4- I know I have the fall fashion issue of Japanese Vogue in my PO Box...I just have to get there to check it.
5- Edith Wharton ghost stories....sigh, I think I'm in love....