Stiletto Heights

I am Jennifer Gordon- a mixed media collage artist and comic writer living in Columbus OH, with my fiance and love- Keith. I specialize in paintings, ACEOS, journals, art boxes and more. I am always available for commissions! Visit my etsy shop at: http://www.stilettoheights.etsy.com

Friday, September 07, 2007

from that to this


good morning loves


so yesterday was a rather blah day....I went from a near perfect Wednesday to a Thursday that left me feeling anxious and rather bad.

we all have those days those moments and hours plagued with self doubt and fear...those days when everything you touch turns out not quite "right".

I worked and worked and ended up getting more frustrated and angry than anything else....leading me down that road of obsession and turmoil.

yes, I am being melodramatic...and not being a very good blogger at that.

Sorry...I think I was riding high for so long with the move to the new house, a wonderful creative burst of energy, and all the wonderful things associated that now this is the inevitable crash, the low, it is unfortunate that it is coming at this time, this time when I need to be productive and make this "art thing" work for me as a job, at a time when I need to have things ready for Craftin Outlaws....OK I know I am ready physically for the show I know I am almost where I need to be but with doing a show (which I rarely do) comes all the questions that plague me...

what if I suck?
what if no one buys anything?
what if the tent collapses and water pours all over everything I have and ruins it?
what if my hair looks bad that day?
what if people think I'm ugly?
what if people think I'm a hack?

and so on, and so on.....

I am being silly, right? I know I am, logically I know I am being too sensitive, but the non logical part of me, the part that houses the creative side of me, the emotional side....is all a mess right now.

all raw and exposed, you see sometimes I am a smart, talented, confidant, artist who is more than comfortable in her own skin...and then sometimes I am that girl in 7th grade that everyone made fun of who would eat lunch with her teacher and get peanuts thrown at her on the bus.

you know....that's enough enough bad yucky self doubt for the morning....I am going to do a top 5 list and then be on my way...

ok top 5 things that are wonderful right now

1- root beer floats
2- my friend Steve came over yesterday with a dvd box set of the best of Shark Week....
3- The new issue of the Buffy comic is all about Faith and Giles....like it was written specifically for me to love
4- I know I have the fall fashion issue of Japanese Vogue in my PO Box...I just have to get there to check it.
5- Edith Wharton ghost stories....sigh, I think I'm in love....

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15 Comments:

Blogger Aaron said...

Other than the thing about water leaking from the tent, I can assure you that all of your other fears are completely unfounded. Which, I know you know that, but sometimes we need to hear it.

So: You are one of the most amazing, talented people I know. Your work is fantastic. Everyone adores you. Seriously, everyone you come in contact with these days falls madly in love with you and your work. You never cease to amaze.

You'll be fine, kid. Love you.

xoxoxo

8:38 AM  
Blogger gilfling said...

Right girly...here goes

literally when I say your work on your blog post from yesterday I gasped - and squeeled with delight - is is incredible and breathtaking and I only wish I had the pennies to buy it/them.

These doubts - they plague us all! And in fact I think they are entirely necessary (if only I could see it like that when I am suffering from them as I do all too often!) but they have a purpose - they drive us forward, they make us 'feel' they are the ups and downs that we artists thrive on even though they are now always pleasant.

You know I am your biggest fan (at least 'I' think I am...)

And seriously - that photo of you is hot (ok I am your stalker - but not in 'that' way) you are stunning even when you look sad!!

Love you Miss Jennifer! xxx

9:13 AM  
Blogger gilfling said...

ermm that should have been a comma after 'feel', and it should have been not and not 'now' jeez I am out of practice on this blog commenting malarky!

9:15 AM  
Blogger jungle dream pagoda said...

O'kay ,if you like root beer floats try them with cream soda( I even make mine with diet cream soda). I haven't received my new BTVS season 8 comic yet ,but its on its way winging to me right now!!!!!! Maybe this is icky,but I adored Anthony Stewart Head so much,I always kinda wished he and Buff might get together,I don't know too much of a father figure?It looks like Xander AND Willow are perhaps crushing on her now(always knew Kennedy was a rebound!).
I adore you sweetie,you will be great at you outlaw show! ...and your hair will be great too!

10:30 AM  
Blogger moogan said...

you will do well at the show! You will mingle amonst the coolest people in columbus, me included! You are one of the most talented artist on etsy selling original work, not prints mind you, where each piece is more stunning and captures more beauty than the next.

1:18 PM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

I'm sure you'll be fine. Buffy isn't always secure with herself, but her friends are always there for her, and it all works out. At least you don't have any super-villains trying to kill you or councils trying to control you. I do enjoy looking at your art, and I'm certain there will be people out there looking for it.

1:50 PM  
Blogger fernfiddlehead said...

rootbeer floats is on of my top things that are wonderful too!!!

I'm sure you'll be terrific at the show.

2:30 PM  
Blogger Nora said...

I have always loved your artwork and loved reading your blog. I'm sure you will rock the show! No worries!

3:04 PM  
Blogger Craftymoose Crafts said...

I hear you about those self doubt days....but really-all you have to do is objectively take a look in your shop and you will see that a talented artist lives there!

4:24 PM  
Blogger Maryam in Marrakesh said...

What I would do for that mane of hair of yours.....! Don't even be worried for a minute. Envision success.

love from Marrakech.

5:22 PM  
Blogger m.Lee said...

"what if I suck?
what if no one buys anything?
what if the tent collapses and water pours all over everything I have and ruins it?
what if my hair looks bad that day?
what if people think I'm ugly?
what if people think I'm a hack?"


I am doing my one art fair of the year the last weekend of the month and I have a lot of the same fears plus my own. Tent isn't a fear because I will be inside (score) and if I have blee with me I don't think anybody will notice much how I look!

The inlaws want to visit that weekend and are talking about watching her for me while I do the fair. Which is great, except I was kinda planning on using her as bait.... bad mommy!

You're not a hack, you're beautiful and even if it doesn't go well it isn't you it is them! And unlike breaking up I mean that. Fairs are fickle. But I think you will do great! Good luck!

10:38 PM  
Anonymous A Fanciful Twist said...

Your work is unreal. I think you are feeling something natural.. After a big Hurrah, you need a bit of a down low.. It is like taking speed.. Real high, real low... So, just ride it out! You are on an amazing path...On your way to the stars....... xoxoxo (wait you have already hit the starts, now all youhav to do is enoy the ride ;* )

10:59 PM  
Blogger Ming_the_Merciless said...

We all go through the self-doubt phases once in awhile. It's only natural. Otherwise, we would all ego-maniacs.

You will do fine. Just concentrate on the positive. Take a walk.

There are days when I was to quit my job and go backpack around the world for a year. But realistically, that is not possible.

12:11 PM  
Blogger Andrea said...

I think we all have those moments of self-doubt. Maybe it's the moon, because I've been feeling that way lately too, like maybe I should chuck it all.

But then what the hell would I do? Go work in an office again? That always does the trick & I return to battling procrastination as best I can.

BTW...known fact...procrastination is inversely proportionate to the number of days left before a given show.

12:29 PM  
Anonymous Jillian said...

I love your art, and your blog, AND I have those doubts all the time too, so you're not alone. I'm also so a vegetarian :)
Thanks for the kind words on "I've always been a Storm"

xoxo
Jillian

9:57 PM  

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