It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas
well we survived another mean cheese visit, this one was filled with a "little" less screaming and mood swings from little miss cheese, or miss mean, depending on the day.
so......................I love Christmas, there, I said it.
For years I was sort of a Scrooge, for no real reason, I just was, Christmas seemed like a whole lot of worry too much time being spent frantic and being shuttled from place to place for visiting, Me being overly self conscious and often shy, found these get ups to be rather frightening. My father too, seemed a bit nonplussed by the holiday as well.
You see he and I were always just a tad "too serious" for Christmas.
Sure, we did all the decorations and ate the big foods but there was something strangely tense about it all. Please don;t get me wrong, my childhood is filled with memories of wonderful Christmases with my family, but they still seemed a bit tense, and sometimes a little sad.
By the time I reached adulthood and was involved in my first marriage to that no good hippie, I just about hated the holiday, then my father passed away and it became even worse, where was the light, the joy.....I did not see or feel what anyone else was.
Then in an attempt to build my professional theater resume years ago, I auditioned for "A Christmas Carol" and landed a role (that year I was Belle, Scrooge's love), and something began to slowly happen to me over that production, when at first I loathed the songs and the hoopla, I did them because I had to, because there was a paycheck involved. But somehow the joy began to seep in.
I did the show for the following several years, and by the time the productions were done, I was a wee bit heartbroken.
I had learned to love Christmas, in my own little "England long ago" kind of way.
Then my bubs and I got back together, and low and behold, he loves "everything Christmas" yup, everything, we are already listening to the themed up music, and soon we will be watching tons and tons of Christmas DVDs.
well, why the long diatribe of Christmas love today????? Well we got our tree yesterday, and for the first time in my life, I am now the proud owner of a "big tree" not huge like we wanted because we could not afford it, but we did get a a tree that is taller than us...
I am aching to decorate it, just aching!!! We have been wandering the Christmas sections of all the local stores and looking at the ornaments, it almost makes me cry, they are so beautiful, and not always but sometimes there is someone so sincere in the Christmas aisles that is feeling this strange joy too....and it both fills and breaks my heart.
It is strange.
ok, this is clearly enough babble for me, I will write more later about Christmas eve, or as I call it "Kissmiss" and why it is so special to my and my heart.
more later darlings.