Stiletto Heights

I am Jennifer Gordon- a mixed media collage artist and comic writer living in Columbus OH, with my fiance and love- Keith. I specialize in paintings, ACEOS, journals, art boxes and more. I am always available for commissions! Visit my etsy shop at: http://www.stilettoheights.etsy.com

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

no snappy title





do you ever get in one of those mind sets where you are really close to having a panic attack all the time, well that is where I am right now.

I can't really put my finger on it, it's just there, lurking, ever lurking....then I fall asleep and it's fine, safe secure, all wrapped up with my bubs and the world is far away.

then I wake up and it all starts again.

welcome to panic city.

Again, I am really not 100% on why I am having these borderline attacks....every thing on etsy is good, me and my bubs, um...we're awesome. SO that just leaves me, an inherent flaw in me that makes me panic, and makes me scared.

What if I am not living life enough....will I look back when I am old and think of all the things I should have done, if I were not so scared.

will I???

See, this is the problem I think, and it's an odd conundrum. I love what I do more than anything (except my bubs) but....being an artist being so solitary, well that is where many problems start. Not leaving the house, becomes not wanting to leave the house, and then all I have is my work which I obsess over to the point of just near insanity.

then I sleep, then it starts again.

and so on, and so on.

Ugh, I hate this I am sorry to ramble about unnamed psychosis, but hell, it's my blog and I will do with it what I want.

(much the same argument I gave my parents when I got my first tattoo)

ok anyway, let's get to something brighter, cheerier, all the more lovely. Have any of you been to my flickr account recently? If so then you will have seen that I uploaded all the mini notepads, as well as the three new prints for my shop....in case you are in a rush I have added the new prints to this blog entry as well as my new round gift tags, aren't they dreamy???

ok, in all seriousness, thank you for reading my psycho babble, seriously, it helps just to type it.

xoxo

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16 Comments:

Blogger Beej said...

xoxoxox

Lots of use are going through something similar - and I think you are right. It is the solitary nature of what we do/are doing at the moment. we should have a commune.

8:02 AM  
Blogger jewelstreet said...

I call it my forced exile because I don't like my surroundings or most of the people in it.

It's so much nicer just to be working on my jewelry and talking to like minded people on the puter.

8:45 AM  
Anonymous gregorymeyer said...

I know fear. Anyone who says different is a damn liar. Well... they might not know their fear or they might be in serious denial. I digress.

Fear comes up for everyone. Some stuff it. Some feel it. Some deny it. Some cover it up with anger. Some lash out. Fear is welcome.

Flaw? Nah. I don't believe that. We're all perfectly imperfect. All of us.

I don't have answers, only "these two cents" (Thanks, Kate.)

Where's the commune? I'm coming.

8:48 AM  
Blogger Aaron said...

I'm not trying to make this about me, but I think a lot of your feelings probably do stem from the solitude and being cooped up all day. I spend every night up and working while everyone is asleep with hardly anyone to talk to, and I have to tell you, it really messes with my head. Some nights I panic and call someone -- anyone -- before work just so I can have the human contact before eight hours of thinking too much.

Love you infinity. Call any time. xoxo

8:51 AM  
Blogger Aaron said...

Also, Beej and I will fly out and visit soon, and goddamn if that won't make everything better. ;)

8:52 AM  
Blogger CountryGirl_CityLife said...

I am so sorry you feel this way right now. I use to work from home and experieinced similar feelings, sometimes never talking to someone in an entire day when P was gone on trips. I really think you need to make an effort to get out amongst others for a bit everyday. Even if its taking a lunch break to say hi to the crazies at the used book store. Either way, I am sure it will all pass and you will feel better soon!

9:15 AM  
Blogger Craftymoose Crafts said...

Must be the time of year! Hang in there, it will get better.

9:29 AM  
Blogger sf said...

Hey,
How about a Road Trip?
Just for a change of scenery.
I'll send you an invitation to our holiday party, but you can just come any ol time. . .
Then when you get home, itwill seem better, I can alguafjcumost PROMISE!!!
xxo
sarah

9:35 AM  
Anonymous nancypearlwannabe said...

The thought of Aaron and Ben on a plane to Ohio just struck as supremely amusing. I hope you appreciated it as much as I did, Jenn! :)

9:40 AM  
Blogger gilfling said...

I swear it is a creative thing. The feeling every emotion to the nth degree - not that others don't 'feel' just that we are cursed with it x 100 and it is up down up down. I find that the more I stay in and work - the less I want to go out and socialise - not always a good thing.

But know that I and am sure others 'get it'. We just do. xxx

10:25 AM  
Anonymous Karen Beth said...

Ditto to

Every...

Single...

Thing...

you said.

2:52 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

i can completely relate to the panic attacks. ugh. up until the blockbuster fiasco that was my life every day.

7:24 PM  
Anonymous Celise said...

I have to agree with Aaron. Being a writer is a solitary thing. I either spend a lot of time writing, reading or researching on the Internet. There are days when I wonder why I got married because more often than not, I wish I was still living by myself. Go figure.

So, what you need to do, Jen, is try to make some time for yourself. Outside the home. I know it's probably 40 below where you live right now, but if you just take a moment to step outside--and just breathe--I think you'll do fine. It's all about self-rewards.

And your work is AMAZING! I might have to do a little Christmas shopping early.

10:02 PM  
Anonymous gregorymeyer said...

I'm flying into Columbus on the evening of Tue, Nov 21. I'll visit. My flight gets in after 11:30 PM. Not very visit friendly and I can't bring my own space heater on the plane...

11:30 PM  
Blogger Lucy said...

I agree, the artist life is a solitary life--but it doesn't mean you shouldn't get out and go on "field trips"..LOL....like someone said, the bookstore, the coffee shop, or even see if there is a local artist guild that you can join and partner up with some other like minded people in real life. Perhaps the panic attacks would lessen once you face your fears or at least embrace them and allow them to inspire you as an observer of others. (if that makes sense.. :)

9:40 PM  
Blogger Erikka said...

you are not alone...well, physically in your studio yes, but spiritually, we're all here with you. I've been reading through my blog list of late only to find their is a sort of...anxiety that many people are feeling in the air these days. Myself included.

The only thing that seems to work is to be honest, feel it. If it goes on to a point you feel is too long, maybe you need to speak to someone.

Being an artist or a writer or just a more introverted person, forces one to go out of their way to meet people...maybe you could invite some other artists over to work with you once and a while. start peddling your wares to local stores, thus making connections to people. or make sure you go out for walks during the day.

just some ideas, but i hope your panic subsides soon.

10:51 AM  

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