Dear (Insert Name Here)
Before
after...and yuck
what in the hell happened to you...no seriously I want to know.
Now, ok, the dumb blond virtual Barbie thing you had going for you was a tired and sad routine, but it worked for you...big boobs and big hair and saying all sorts of dumb things, hello...it's how you became a mega star after all.
(please don't kid yourself and say it was your music)
In fact the big hair and big mouth thing was enough to overshadow your creepy Dad/manager for a while...except for that time in an interview he talked about how awesome you big double d boobs were...seriously that made me ill.
So anyway...the point is how did you go from being America's favorite bimbo to what you are now.
You look like a leather wallet, it's not normal to be brown all over like that, and to top it off darling...you look tired, and more than a little used.
Right now there is this vibe coming from you like you are the crazy girl with no self esteem at a frat party...and you will have sex with all the frat boys there just so they "like you".
Seeing as The entire world is your Frat Party....well I guess that explains the tired and used look to you.
Now, I will say it...you should have stayed with Nick, he loved you even though you were part moron...he saw past that...or maybe he ignored it and focussed on those big boobs your dad talks so much about.
sincerely
Jennifer Gordon
Labels: dumb, fan mail, jessica simpson, nick lachey
posted by stilettoheights @ 7:40 AM
13 Comments:
Dear Democrats,
Grow a pair. If nothing changes when you take over congress, then you shouldn't be there either.
Seriously,
Beej
I think I hate Jessica Simpson more than I probably should.
Dear John Cusack-
Can I just say how much I want to see your new movie? Incredibly freaky, and probably a movie that would scare even me. I would hate to find out that the previews are all there is, but I don't think they are. I bet I couldn't guess the ending like I do most movies.
Also, I'm so glad to see that you are not doing your typical Grosse Pointe Blank role.
Oh, could you say hi to your sister for me? She rocks.
Sincerely-
Aimee
Great letter, Jenn.
I'm with NancyPearlWannabe on this one. I really think that I have an abnormal dis-like for Jessica Simpson. She really just turns my stomach.
She and Britney Spears should go and live in Has-Been-Land together, happily ever after.
That would be lovely.
:)
She looks pretty good in that top picture and normally I think she is queen fug. I like john mayer more for f'n with her, I hope he is taking advantage of her for his own publicity sake. OK, not really, I never want women to be taken advantage of. karma, though, it's a bitch. Not that Nick is doing much better, Vanessa is a famewhore just like Jess, he needs to stop choosing girls based on their bods and lack of IQ. Hopefully I will be back with a passable letter.
great letter. She went from girl next door to whore in the hills.
well said jenn, well said
you are funny gf
xoxo,
cat
hahahahahahaah, hehehehehee. Mouth open, loving the letter. Part moron was the best.
To all the bimbos out there, yes the list is huge ( Paris, Jessica, Britney, Nicole -sorry but you too, Lindsay, etc). You were given the world and you chose, loserville and jail. I think you are 75% moron. What a bunch of Dumbasses. I can't even think about this anymore. I am feeling.. queezy and .....Puke!
who woulda thunk that two people could be inspired to blog by JS? please look at my blog where I too wrote about Jessica Simpson. I'm on blogger as well and my blog is called The_Extra_Ordinary
Dear "God" -
Whomever and whereever you may be, whatever shape or shapes you take, please keep my babes safe. A little frost bite here or there is fine, but not THERE, you know. I kinda like that spot.
Much adoration,
Me.
P.S. Keep up your most excellent karma/punishment on the ditzy pack of hollywood girls.
Great round of letters this week!
hahaha I laughed so much reading this :)
lol specially the last part when you wrote: "you should have stayed with Nick, he loved you even though you were part moron...he saw past that...or maybe he ignored it and focussed on those big boobs your dad talks so much about"!
Hilarious :D
luv
Su
"you look like a leather wallet"---HAH! genius. is she still with john mayer? i wonder what their conversations are like?...
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