Dear (Insert Name Here )Week 15
(** Disclaimer....to all my New York readers, I am very sorry you have to read this, please keep in mind that New York is still my favorite city in the entire world, but....I grew up in New England so there is something that takes over inside my head during Spring, Summer, and Early Autumn...and that thing that takes over is pure blind hate....for the Yankees)
Dear Derek Jeter
I found myself the other day inadvertently having to look at you during some stupid tv commercial for Diet Coke or some such nonsense....and immediately after seeing you I began to spew just a pure bile of hate.
I am normally not like this, normally I love most people, I don't eat meat, I am friendly to the environment....some would even call me a hippie....but I hate hippies so don't call me that.
Now I am not driven to violent thoughts very often, sure I go into a rage when I see a baby or small child in a nice restaurant (hello if there is no "kids menu" leave the kid at home), but that is normal, yet when I see you I immediately get very dark and twisted in my head.
I fear that if it was possible I would kidnap and torture you, keep you at the bottom of a well and send lotion down to you in a bucket, like in Silence of the Lambs, I can hear myself shouting to you in a throaty and scary voice, "Derek rubs the lotion on his skin or else he gets the hose again".
I am not one of those blind Rex Sox loyalists who will say you are not talented, no....I admit you are and it is one of the reasons I loathe you, but what really gets me, what really drives me over the edge s how you always seem like you're not even trying.
You're up at bat, and your chewing gum and looking all around and barely paying attention to the pitcher...same thing on the field.
What the hell is up with that? Is it the fact that you are just so f-ing good at the game that you are almost bored with it.
My bubs and I had a theory that the Yankees bought A-rod just as amusement to you, a high priced "bitch" if you will...
it makes sense, I see how he looks at you, his eyes all big with awe and fear.
Also...I blame you whole heartedly for the brain washing and hair cutting of Johnny Damon, one of my former Red Sox boyfriends...he is now dead to me.
I hope bad things happen to you, I hope the Yankees crash and burn this year, I hope A-rod gets sick of your womanizing ways and in a jealous rage does something that means you would be out for the rest of the season (don;t get me wrong, I don't want him to do permanent damage...I am human after all).
until next time....watch your back back Jeter.