Stiletto Heights

I am Jennifer Gordon- a mixed media collage artist and comic writer living in Columbus OH, with my fiance and love- Keith. I specialize in paintings, ACEOS, journals, art boxes and more. I am always available for commissions! Visit my etsy shop at: http://www.stilettoheights.etsy.com

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Things I Can and Can't Say


morning!

So yesterday didn't go according to plan at all, it was supposed to be the day that I work at the shop, but of course, UPS missed one of our boxes on the loading dock and the books didn't show up...so yesterday just became a confusing mess of yuck, with a little more yuck thrown on top of that.

(sigh)

Also, because it snowed (AGAIN) yesterday we decided not to travel to Andyman's Treehouse for Keith to play, the roads were bad, so it is postponed until next week. I am so sick of the fact that it has snowed every Wednesday for the past two months, that is our day together and we are sort of trapped in our neighborhood when it happens.

You see, in Columbus, they don't plow 90% of the streets they just wait for it to either melt, or become a giant thick layer of ice, which is what it usually turns into.

I feel bad for the Somalians (we have the second largest population of them in the country) most of them have never seen never mine driven in the snow...it makes for more car accidents than I have even seen in my life.

Last year a woman drove into the house across the street from ours, yes...INTO the house..I always see it on the news but I actually got to see it in person.

So I talked to my Mommy the other day, and it was wonderful and altogether sad all at once. My mom is one part Forest Gump and the second part Blanche Dubois...which makes any conversation with her sweet and a little sad all at once.

I know I have talked of our conversation about watching tv, and how she doesn't understand that I watch 2 shows...that's it.

When I talked to her she went on and on about Anna Nicole Smith...she is now totally obsessed with the whole thing, I haven't seen her this wrapped up in something since the OJ Simpson Trial, I let her go on about it humoring her and chiming in when I could...but when she was talking about how she could relate to Anna....that I had to change the subject.

The strange thing is, is that I miss my mom, so much sometimes. I mean really, it's almost a tangible thing. I don;t tell her though, and my question is why? Why don't I tell her?

Why is it that I can not express this to her, am I afraid that she will cry, yes, that's part of it. I know I am afraid I will cry...I try to be strong for her and everything, and try so very hard not to think of her being all alone, I try not to think about the fact that I have been a horrible daughter and at times she has been a horrible mother. None of that matters anymore, it's just us, it's just who we are.

She is the only family I have left in this world (besides my bubs of course) and I am so far away...

I need her to know that I love and I miss her, but for whatever reason I can barely say those words and I don't know what to do.

Wow, where did all that come from???? Sorry, I did not intend to write about that, I was oging to write about the fact that my bubs made Mexican food last night and the "cheese" we bought was called "Mexi melt" and it was advertised as imitation "cheese food"...cheese food, that can't be healthy, can it?

Oh and I also wanted to talk about the fact that I saw "The Departed" which I was dying to see because it was just so very "Boston" I also have a total need to see Oscar Winning movies...

Anyway, The Departed was incredible and so deserving of Best Picture this year. I would say more about it but I think I might save it to write in a letter to Martin Scorsese next week.

I spent an awful lot of time working on this piece and I finally listed it for sale in my Etsy shop

I am very proud of it, I just loved the composition of it, I actually sketched it out before I started it, I very rarely do that, but this time I did and it was well worth it I think.

ok, off to the races, I have a million little parcels to package up and more vintage lady art cards to make, as I am so in love with them.

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12 Comments:

Blogger NancyPearlWannabe said...

Imitation cheese food... you know the pre-shredded cheese is all sawdust anyway, right?

Very pretty new piece.

8:57 AM  
Blogger stilettoheights said...

NPW- when I read the ingredients one of them was "potato"...

what????? That's not a normal part of cheese!!!

9:10 AM  
Blogger CountryGirl_CityLife said...

You can not write such things when I am PMSing, now I am a bit teary eyed. Beautiful Post, the mom thing hits directly home. Write her a letter and tell her how you feel. It is so much easier to write how you feel than say it.

Cheese food yum, it sounds like food to feed and grow your cheese.

9:28 AM  
Blogger Beej said...

oh, Jennnn -

move back. bring the boy and the cheese.

xoxo

9:32 AM  
Blogger RecyVintage said...

Awww... that was a lovely post, Jenn! I know it is hard sometimes to say how you feel but I'm sure it would mean the world to your Mom if she heard you say it - even if you both did cry! It would likely open new doors to your relationship too. It could only be a GOOD thing. I know that you can do it. :)

LOVE LOVE LOVE the new piece! I think it is just amazing! Nice work.

Hope your today is tons better than yesterday!

xoxo...

Karen Beth :)

10:07 AM  
Blogger jungle dream pagoda said...

Well ofcourse the way you characterize your mom (as a combo of Forrest and Blanche) she just sounds irresistably romantic!! ...also I find it so endearing that she is swept up in and undone by the whole ANS thing. I find ANS to be a sympathetic character too,it seems to me in death she is infinitely more tragic.
MMM ,imitation cheese food sound good!

10:39 AM  
Blogger Gypsy Purple said...

What a stunning post!!!
Even though you did not intend for mr to read it...I did...the part about you mom, you know.....You wrote on my blog that handwritten letters is part of your life...so why don`t you do it...write her a letter as a first step....you`ll be so glad you did...

11:47 AM  
Blogger Angela said...

I know from personal experience (Unfortunatly) that loved one's know that you love them. If you go to see your mom...KNOW that she know's you love her dear! That show's that you love her. I know it is a sad situation but it make's us stronger. Of course...I'd rather be weak and happier....but such is life. :) BEAUTIFUL POST GIRL! JUST BEAUTIFUL! I would go into the reason's for my knowing that but I think that's something everyone might not want to hear.If it would make you feel better, you should write her a letter to get your emotions out. THANK YOU though for reminding me of what you did. If that makes sense.....
Ok, onto Mexican food!!! I LOVE ME SOME MEXICAN FOOD! Just wanted to say that...lololol *Loads of Hugs*

1:13 PM  
Blogger gilfling said...

Oh Jenn - I can empathise with so much of what you are feeling about your relationship with your mum - you have articulated exactly how I feel about my own relationship with mine.

As for the potato in 'cheese' - WHAT!!!! We have a vile drink here in the UK called 'sunny delight' which kids get really addicted to but parents actually think is a healthy alternative to pop - it has vegetable oil in it!!!! Why would a fruit juice need vegetable oil!!! The world has gone mad......

Take care my sweets - and I hope today is better for you, and tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that...... xxx

3:06 PM  
Blogger alluretone said...

i actually live in ohio too- dublin to be exact- did you go to ccad? i love all of your work btw- they're gorgeous!

1:01 AM  
Blogger http://afancifultwist.typepad.com said...

I hadn't read this post, before I posted my last post...But, back to moms. Why didn't anyone ever tell us they were complex nutcakess? And they give birth to complex nutcakes? :) I am a complex nut to the 100th power. Sounds like you are working out your feelings very well. You should tell her how you feel, missing her and all? Maybe that would make her day, week, month, year, life?

I don't know. the whole thing is strange as far as I am concerned. We are living in strange world. Hey, why did that make me think if Phil Collins all of a random sudden? Of, Land of confusion??

I better go before I start making les sense....

I want to see the departed!!!

XXXXXXOOOOOOOO, Vanessa

11:09 AM  
Blogger My Marrakech said...

Oh darling girl, I am the same exact way with my Mom. She had to practically die until I did anything about it. But then I did something that really made her cry: I made her a handmade book called my book of gratitudes. Every page was the tale of something I was grateful to her for. Starting with birth and including my love of beauty. I used really beautiful papers and gorgeous fonts and lots of little extras. Maybe you could make her something very special just for her.

2:42 PM  

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