Stiletto Heights

I am Jennifer Gordon- a mixed media collage artist and comic writer living in Columbus OH, with my fiance and love- Keith. I specialize in paintings, ACEOS, journals, art boxes and more. I am always available for commissions! Visit my etsy shop at:

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Dear (Insert Name Here) Week 2

morning everyone, it's time for our letters, please leave your letter to a random celebrity in the comments section...

Dear Sarah Michelle Gellar

I am just going to be frank with you, you deserve that...I don't like you, and I can guarantee that is we met in real life, well you wouldn't like me either.

Now, you have to know I did watch Buffy, am I proud of that? No, not really, I liken it in many ways to marrying my ex husband, just another thing to add to the list of things I never should have done...

wait, I digress.

It's not really Buffy I have a problem with, it's you.

Though I hated myself for watching that damn show, I did...and for the record, it was not because of you that I watched it. I wanted your character to get killed, all the time, week after week.

Does that make me mean? No. that makes me truthful.

You see, you have a very snotty way about you, going on and on in interviews about your "career" made the Scooby Doo movies, I seriously doubt that you are ever going to hear the words "and the Oscar Goes to".

All of that aside, what made me really hate you was when you stopped calling yourself Sarah Michelle Geller (rhyming with Helen Keller) and started calling your self Sarah Michelle GellAR (rhyming with hell car).

You are not Prince, you can't just change you name to sound all important!!!

This is why everyone you were on Buffy with hated you, this is why you were not invited to their weddings, this is why people cheered when you died in The Grudge 2.

You remind me of the pack of bitchy girls who wouldn't let me sit with them during lunch in 7th grade, who would throw things at turn I ate lunch with my teacher.

So I will leave you with this...when Is Scooby Doo 3 coming out?

Jennifer Gordon

(PS- here's a little shop info, I am running a 20% off sale for anything in the SALE section of my shop, I am adding new pieces daily, now that I am working at home I am running out of room for things....eek. I am afraid I will be buried under a pile of collages and empty cans of low carb Monster...)

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Blogger Beej said...

Dear Josh AND Seth Myers,

You two no-talent poseurs somehow caught a break, and it boggles my mind.

I remember the both of you from high-school: your two-bit student council Hans and Frans imitations weren't funny then, and you're not funny now. *I* was the funny one in High School, and you don't see me with a big tee-vee contract.

Please stop existing.


8:17 AM  
Blogger NancyPearlWannabe said...

Dear Ryan Phillipe,

I don't know why you think having pouty, lip-glossed girl lips makes you hot shit, but please let me the first of many to inform you that you and your permed hair can go to hell. You are in no way attractive, so if you were banking on that to get you past Cruel Intentions and into the world of real movie-making, please just stop.

Really, it's for your own good.

Also, I just wanted to know that if we ever met in person I'd probably give you a dramatic smack in the face with my glove for your idiocy. Seriously, you were married to Reese Witherspoon and cheated? It just confirms my belief that you are challenged in the brains department as well as the looks because Reese is cute as a button.

I hope your kids disown you.



9:13 AM  
Blogger stilettoheights said...

beej- the Myers brothers mom was my French teacher in 7th grade...I got an F that year.

Madame Myers...You will get yours!!!

9:17 AM  
Blogger stilettoheights said...

NPW- that seriously is a beautiful letter!!!!!!!

9:18 AM  
Blogger RecyVintage said...

(I too cannot stand Sarah Michelle GellAR...)

Dear Nicolas Cage,

Let me be frank.

I don't like you.

I don't like you to the point of boycotting every movie you have ever made - even the one with Meg Ryan that might have been decent had it not had you in it.

I don't have a problem with your looks. They are neither here nor there to me. I wouldn't pick you out of a crowd but, shallow I am not, so that is no reason for scorn.

The reason that I don't like you is that you have ZERO personality!

I can't for the life of me imagine how you got to be a big hot-shot Hollywood star who actually GETS roles! I don't get it...

Did you have a frontal lobomity at some point in your life? Did some traumatic experience in your past strip you of every ability to show emotion?

Apparently so.

You have the same countenance in each scene of every movie.

You move your mouth the same no matter WHAT you are saying, no matter what role you are playing, ALL the time!

A MIME has more personality than you do!

I just don't get it. I mean, I guess it is working for you and all and more power to you but... wow. If you are the Kenzi scale for what can be accepted into Hollywood, I should send my lamp-post for some auditions.

Yours NOT so fondly,

Karen Beth

9:44 AM  
Blogger stilettoheights said...

Karen Beth- Nic Cage is actually a Coppola...that is how he get's all his roles!

9:49 AM  
Blogger RecyVintage said...

Ah... the mystery is solved!

9:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Before they were starts - Johhny Depp was Nic Cage's roommate in Hollylalaland.

I am a uber-fan of Buffy, hate SMG, though. Love Dawnie, she is growing up to be soooo pretty.

Dear Tyra -

Quit talking about how fat you are not in every interview and on every episode of your talk show. For someone who supposedly does not care about their weight, you seem not to be able to shut up about it.

You are not a role model. You are a fame-whore.

Get a decent wig.

Don't worry, I will still be tuning into ANTM tonight. Unless you vote off my Russian, then I am so over you.

xoxo, J.

10:23 AM  
Blogger KSV said...

Dear Justin Timberlake,

I must congratulate you first on finally getting rid of Cameron Diaz. You are too young to be tied down, you should be out having fun and enjoy being a 25 year old dude. Besides, Cameron was only hot in her role opposite Jim Carrey in the Mask. Now she looks like a stick with a big round head on it. A backwards caramel apple, if you will.

Relationship matters aside, I think that your new album is great. I manage my boyfriend's band which is not near the level of musical stardom that you are at, but I witness the struggle of a musician. With that I would like to offer some musical advice, the intro to "My Love" could be better if it was a tad shorter. It is rather annoying that you included the knocking and clanging of pots and pans for longer than 1 minute. You may want to shorten it and get to the better part of the song faster.

Keep on making the music!

Best Regards,

P.S. Please don't date Jessica Biel, you are so much better than a innocent gone whore 7th Heaven actress.


I do love your music and diligently try to mimic your dance moves

4:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

All I can say is WAY TO GO! YOU GOOO GIRL!!!!! WOOO HOOO! BUFFY ALWAYS gave me that feeling tooooooo!!!! I thought I was the only one. LOLOL WOOOO HOOO!!! YOU ROCK SOO MUCH! I don't know her PERSONALLY now but on screen she always acted like the girls that were mean in High School. The Stuck up snoby ones. I've never watched Buffy because of the commercials for it I didn't like her then so I didn't want to sit through it. LOLOLOL YOU GOOO!

8:40 PM  
Blogger molly said...

Dear Mick Jagger and David Bowie,


12:49 AM  
Blogger stilettoheights said...


(you all know this)

and I agree about Tyra, I love her but come on....anough about the wight thing!!!

Mick and!!!!!

8:43 AM  

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