Stiletto Heights

I am Jennifer Gordon- a mixed media collage artist and comic writer living in Columbus OH, with my fiance and love- Keith. I specialize in paintings, ACEOS, journals, art boxes and more. I am always available for commissions! Visit my etsy shop at: http://www.stilettoheights.etsy.com

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Dear (Insert Name Here)


Hi loves

First I need to thank you all for all your nice words yesterday when I was in a cranky state, it really helped, so thank you, thank you…a million times over.

Well if you are keeping track, it’s Wednesday which means I have to rush off to the shop in just a few minutes…

(sigh)

I hate that Wednesdays seem so rushed and frantic, I really enjoy my blogging time, so that being the case, I am going to start a tradition, every Wednesday will be “write a fake letter to a celebrity day” here at Stiletto Heights

Yes, you heard me, we’re going to write to celebrities, and no….we are not going to really mail them, we’re not stalkers after all, right?

Please feel free to post your letter in the comments section of my blog, as I will so very seriously LOVE to read them, we don’t all have to pick the same one, I think it will be fun….

Ok so my first letter will be to Reese Witherspoon…

Dear Reese

Hey, what’s up? I have been meaning to write to you for so long…I am really sorry to hear about your divorce. You guys always seemed so sweet together.

Though, he did always sound like he had a stuffed up nose, what’s up with that? Did he have seasonal allergies? A Coke problem?

I know, I know….none of my business, you’re right.

Anyway, now you can join the chic and elite group of young divorces, I’m one you know, we’re a very elite squad, like cheerleaders.

I also have to ask, what was going on with you at the Oscar’s? Your dress was fantastic, but really, what was that thing you were doing with your hair? I think you were trying to do a sort of Jennifer Anniston thing with it, but it really didn’t work, your face is just not shaped the right way to wear bangs.

You probably think I am just being jealous and snotty, after all you are my bf’s “movie bubs” and you did get to make out with my “movie bubs” Joaquin Phoenix…but please know I only have your best interests at heart.

Well gotta go Reese, hope to hear from you really soon

Love, your bff

Jennifer Gordon


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11 Comments:

Blogger RecyVintage said...

Dear Nicole (Kidman, that is),

Seems like you've had a hard way of things lately, especially in the area of men.

To be clear, I like you. I think you are about one of the most beautiful and poised women in Hols and you have hair to die for. Of course, it also helps that I have a particular soft-spot for Aussie accents (my beloved is Australian so maybe you can come to our wedding and all... I could seriously see us being very close).

But, back to the point.

What is with your men choices in life? They just seem all WRONG for you!

Firstly, TOM CRUISE!??! You two may have been the "golden couple" but, honey, he is an ass. He was an ass then and he is REALLY an ass now. The best thing YOU ever did was put him off on the side of the road.

Word.

It would take much more blog comment space than my dear Jenn would want me to take up to tell you all that was wrong with Psycho Cruise. And besides, he isn't even cute! Honestly, if he weren't famous and I saw him in a crowd, I wouldn't even look twice and I'm nowhere NEAR a fab as YOU are, my dear.

Number next... KEITH URBAN?!?! Okay, okay, he is your nationality and all that and - hey - I'm good with that. As mentioned before, I do love the Aussie accent so I can justify him a lot more than I could Tom but still... C'mon Nicole! He is cute in a rugged boyish sort of way but please make BOYISH the operative word. Is he mature enough to be MARRIED? Best-selling albums do not marriage material make. Sigh...

Seems that you - my fabulous one - put up with a lot of crap for these men when, in truth, you are fabulous on your own. You don't need a man! You have two kids, a rocking career and you are like an angel with red hair. Why on earth would you need a man? Especially one of the genre that you have historically chosen.

But, I love you anyway. Do what works, I suppose, but hopefully, at some point, you will pause and ask yourself if it is truly - TRULY - working.

Be beautiful,

KB :)

9:49 AM  
Blogger stilettoheights said...

that was a kick ass letter Karen Beth!!!!!

9:55 AM  
Blogger Angela said...

It would truely be wonderful to be a star on the red carpet like that huh? One of these day's....they won't know what hit them when we arive there. ;)

10:46 AM  
Blogger Beej said...

Dear Anne Hathaway,

I don't care what anybody says. Hubba Hubba.

Sincerely,
Beej

11:10 AM  
Blogger CountryGirl_CityLife said...

Dear You-Will-Always-Be-Posh-Spice-To-Me:

Stop copping my style.

I have been rocking the asymmetrical bob for years.

I got sick of my hair being compared to yours and decided only yesterday to cut it shorter and bleach it blonde.

I flip on the TV last night, and it seems you had to beat me to it.

You are making me look like a Posh wannabe and we all know I am not. For one, I prefer to eat at least 3 meals a day.

xoxo, CountryGirl

P.S. Tell Becks I missed him last week.

11:12 AM  
Blogger http://afancifultwist.typepad.com said...

Ahhhhh, my whole comment was lost. Or so it says.... Hi Hi Hi. Lots of other stuff. and, did you get my mail doll???

1:36 PM  
Blogger Gypsy Purple said...

Great idea here!!!

10:33 PM  
Blogger gilfling said...

Dear Joaquin

This is a sad letter for me to write - you know I still love you, we had such good times together - but you simply must stop bombarding me with flowers. I miss you but you simply must accept that I have found another love.

We had such a great life together and yet..... I have made the decision. Although I know you don't pander to the usual hollywood star lifestyle.... at the same time you can never completely escape it. And it is simply not for me. I am settled in the dreary old UK now and this is where I shall stay. My tiny 2 bedroom apartment is my home now and could never be compared to the beautiful place that you call home. You could take me around the world to see wonderful sights, but here in concrete city that is Nottingham is where I want to be.

I know that you will never completely get over me, but you must move on. The award ceremonies, the beautiful gowns - how can they possibly be better than my 5 year old wardrobe of clothes that I cannot afford to replace and my occassional night out at the cinema.

The truth is I always thought you and Liv were so beautiful together. I am sure you could find someone like that again. You just have to move on, I will always love you and admire you from a distance but that is just the way it has to be.

I shall think of old times and still admire your beauty in your movies, but I am with Mark now and he is the love of my life. So please stop sending me all those flowers!!!!

From your former love, Gillian

7:20 AM  
Blogger stilettoheights said...

Gillian- I was preparing the same letter to George Clooney as well...

lol

OMG this was great, I amost died when I saw "Posh Spice"

and I agree with you Ben, I love Anne Hathaway!!

7:50 AM  
Blogger KSV said...

Don't you think Reese's face is shaped like a strawberry? I love Joaquin, he is hottie tottie. I wasn't going to tell you this, but I am, whenever my dear good friend Mikey and I get a fever blister we call it the Joaquin Phoenix syndrome!

12:44 PM  
Blogger dusk&summer said...

i totally agree before it was models on the covers and models in commercials..now its like they get no work lol

7:18 PM  

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