Stiletto Heights

I am Jennifer Gordon- a mixed media collage artist and comic writer living in Columbus OH, with my fiance and love- Keith. I specialize in paintings, ACEOS, journals, art boxes and more. I am always available for commissions! Visit my etsy shop at: http://www.stilettoheights.etsy.com

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Is this what it's turning into???

Good morning darling ones.

well....last night I could not sleep, my brain was swimming with panic last night because you see right before I went to sleep last night I got a comment on my blog that sent my head reeling.

Now, in the past I have had someone leave anonymous comments about how awful I was because in a satirical letter I made fun of Marie Osmond....but last night I got a comment that really got to me, you see, the comment basically said that I did not know Christmas, or god, because I referred to little Sarah as the "mean cheese"...it went on to say how awful I was, that I would make fun of her like that, and that I did not love her.

Now before any of you go looking for this comment, I deleted it, not because I agree with what she said, but because she was not anonymous and I really did not want her to get a pile of emails or nasty comments on her blog, she has the right to her opinion.

Though it got ma shaken up, that someone could actually believe that a funny term of endearment, a blog nickname, meant I did not love her.

wow, what a sad thing.

Now to set the record straight...I love the mean cheese, I know...shocker, I am a caring feeling person...wow...I know, strange huh?

She is called the mean cheese because I hate using her name on the blog, call me paranoid but I don't like it, it "too personal". She is known as "the mean cheese", and has been for years, most people in our real life refer to her as that too...it's a silly thing, but for some reason it's her, like my bubs (Keith) is my bubs.

Years ago we met a woman from Greece, still with a wonderful thick accent, we used to call the mean cheese munchkin because she is so small, when this woman tried to say munchkin it came out...mean cheese.

It was adorable.

We laughed because you see that name seemed to fit Sarah's little funny personality. You see, she has a host of health problems, and severe mental and physical problems, I don;t talk about it much because we treat her like a normal kid, and we like others to treat her that way too...so anyway, part of her problems involve the fact that she cannot have any dairy, this is awful for her, because you see....she loves cheese above and beyond all things.

When she is here the cheese is hidden so she cannot get to it, she repeatedly tries to find it, but we don;t allow her to play in the fridge. Anyway, it really is only a matter of time before I (or my bubs) has to leave the room, and use the bathroom or something. It never fails that in those moments she finds the cheese, and by the time we see her again she has a slice of cheese in one hand and a huge smile on her face.

This is what is awful....we have to take it away from her, every time. Now....when we do this, well she gets mean (note, she gets mean ABOUT the cheese....see the clever play on words starting), she has communication difficulties so expressing herself is hard, and can often end in a little violent outburst on her part.

She hits, bites, scratches, sometimes to us, and worse, to her self.

So....long story short, when we first heard the term mean cheese, well we giggled, it fit...it seemed right.

Now, for the record, when I or anyone calls her mean cheese, it is just to each other, she can't hear, she's deaf after all....so the notion that we are berating her with this "awful" name, is a fallacy.

Her little nickname took off, on the weekends when we have her, my email box is flooded with "how's the mean cheese" e mails. When she is sick or in the hospital people care. And one of the most wonderful things in the world, my friend Megan actually made her a little "plush" mean cheese, it's a triangle of cheese with a funny angry mouth.

Our mean cheese, LOVES that little plush. She hugs it, she makes her "love" noise (hard to describe but it's the noise she makes she she hugs us. She calls it her monster cheese, and out of all the toys she has (of which there are more than I can count) that is one of her favorites and actually has to be in the dining room table when we eat.

so...this is long and this is rambling and for that I am sorry.

I am also sorry that I feel I have to justify myself so much on my own blog, I am really unhinged by negative comments like this.

I start to second guess myself, I start to wonder why I am doing this, why am I opening myself up to this...it's scary. Then I realize all this second guessing of myself has made blogging a lot less fun, because now I am worried that people will take every little thing the wrong way.

It's my blog and I am beginning to wonder if I can even be me on it.

It makes me want to stop, to just curl in a ball and hide.

Now I know, that was only one person...but it might be more, she has me very paranoid, as she implied that everyone thinks I am cruel and heartless...

I'm not, and those of you who know me know that's not true...but those of you who are new to my blog, I don't know....do I need a disclaimer before every entry that might have a little snark to it.

anyway, I'm tired and I'm feeling raw and over exposed right now. Thank you all for listening and reading, and not judging too harshly.

:(

31 Comments:

Blogger Helen | Pepperina Press said...

Aww, I'm sorry that happened to you! I'd be upset too.

I don't know why people feel so free to say unkind things from behind their computer screens, and to jump to hasty conclusions.

I completely understand about not using real names in cyberspace, especially for kids – it's why my daughter is "Berry" throughout my blog, and no one ever sees her face online.

And every nickname is odd when you think about it! On the "silver lining" side, I've read your blog for a while and never knew where that name came from – I think it's a sweet story!

Chin up :)

8:41 AM  
OpenID dailytannenbaum.com said...

I've been totally unhinged by comments I don't like as well. I totally understand that. I'm also pretty clear on "mean cheese" being a loving moniker. Nicknaming our loved ones with names that would otherwise seem cruel is a sign of affection, I think. And making someone feel bad about something they wrote, that's what real cruelty is.

9:59 AM  
Blogger The Dangerous Mezzo said...

It was always clear to me that "mean cheese" was said in love. I'm so sorry that someone decided to attack you on this -- doesn't make any sense at all to me.

Loving thoughts coming your way to balance the unthinking cruelty.

11:06 AM  
Blogger sf said...

Awww baby I wish I could just give you a nice big hug as I read this and find myself saying F them - ya know - god, everyone has something and yet half can't see even their own thin glass walls ae beginning to crack. The day people stop judging others is the day a true miracle of Peace on Earth might actually have a chance to occur. Those people who say things with out thinking first (me being one) then realize their size 13 foot is in their little tiny mouth are one thing, we usually know immediately and can't be sorry enough. The self-righteous priggery of those who have yet to walk a mile drives me nuts. Someday something may happen in their lives to bring the enlightenment of compassion upon them. I wonder as I write this if I sound like a "no good hippie" - but maybe you can just think of it as my inner zen.
I miss you too! As soon as I have a Pasticcio 2 in my hands (we hd a small delay) I will send you yours.
I haven't dared go over to etsy to even peek - you know I can't resist your tempting ways - until I have something going there myself.
xxo
sarah

11:42 AM  
Blogger miznyc said...

never visited before today but the "mean cheese" sounds like a fun name to me!

I call my son "the boy" which to some may seem distant and cold but anyone who knows me could never doubt the love I have for the munchkin.

I'm sure it is the same for you and the mean cheese! ;)

Don't let 'em get you down!

11:49 AM  
Blogger melancholic optimist said...

I just want to say, I think you handled that really well in your interaction on your blog - I've seen other situations where someone left an unthoughtful comment on a blog and got a much less thoughtful response.

I understand about how someone making such an unthoughtful and unknowing comment about you can make you want to just stop interaction with people. We all want to be known so much, and it hurts when we feel someone gets it SO wrong.

Just so you know, I have never felt that you are uncaring towards Sarah, and I have always felt that your celebrity things were very sarcastic and I've never thought of you as an uncaring person from what I've read on your blog. And I agree with helen, the story of where the name "mean cheese" came from is really cute :)

Don't worry, most of us actually can see that you care for and love her.

12:04 PM  
Blogger Erikka said...

I am new to this blog and I do not know you but I never once thought "mean cheese" was in any way a negative or condescending nickname. It is so obvious you care about that little girl.

Opening up any sort of creative aspect of ones life to the public does allow for comments back (unless you turn them off in virtual reality, too bad you can't in reality too!). But that is all it is, feedback that makes you think, strive harder, ignore it, whatever. People are all allowed to think and feel and process how they do. If you are the kind of person who cares and will hence forth censor yourself, perhaps you need to choose a different medium other than a blog to open yourself up in.

Does that make sense?

Because in the end, yes, people can say mean or wonderful things, but the final judge of your character is YOU!

12:32 PM  
Blogger Erikka said...

ps. I love knowing this story now. And maybe because you never got this personal before, and just used her nickname, people made assumptions. This post was PERSONAL and I bet that commenter is EATING HER WORDS and hopefully sulking at being so presumptuous.

12:33 PM  
Blogger SadieAndLeo said...

Oh boy! I could get crazy because I'm known for going from 0 to BITCHY in .003 seconds. But, alas, I will not. I will take the higher ground as you have and just say this. This person walked into the middle of a conversation and felt justified in leaving their two cents... next time you find yourself in this situation- don't. Just don't. Gather some intel first, sleuth it out first, don't sound ignorant in your uninformed feedback or commenting. Don't drive by blog comment. It should be punishable.

Jenn, I commend your strength.

12:35 PM  
Blogger Chucka Stone Designs said...

What I think is sad is that you had to write this entire thing because some frantic wacko couldn't understand your humor. Man when will people understand that nicknames are actually an expression of love.

My parents called me Bunks as a kid. I still don't know why and I don't really care. All I know is that no one else in this world gave me a nickname that was truly a family thing and it still warms my heart to think of it.

Geez, some people obviously need to lay off the caffeine...

12:47 PM  
Blogger Chucka Stone Designs said...

Oh and PS...Don't you DARE stop writing just because of that one comment. As you said she has a right to her opinion but you have a right to delete it!

I am new-ish to your blog but every single one I've read shows you are a very talented writer with a lot to share which is why I keep coming back to read it. I think you'd go crazy if it was all bottled up without an outlet of some sort!

No judgement here, just hugs :)

~ Jenn

12:56 PM  
Blogger CountryGirl_CityLife said...

At first reading this blog, I felt bad because it wasn't your typical writing and SO unecessary for you to have to explain yourself.... but by the end I loved it. How funny to read how mean cheese's name came about and the little silly (and mean) things she does. You are so awesome to love and care for her and your bubs. It would be too much for many people, and its your choice. BTW, I always interpreted the nickname "mean cheese" as endearing each and everytime I read it :)

1:02 PM  
Blogger m.Lee said...

Oh hun you never should have to explain this to us because it is so silly to think that you mean it as a slight.

I mean one of our nicknames for blee (other than blee) is hippo. Are we mean horrible awful parents that don't love her? I should think not! She just eats a lot.

Even though we have never met (yet) I feel that I know you and I know your heart well enough to say that this person is the mean one, not you. I'm sorry you were hurt, especially at such a time. If they felt this way and really felt they needed to express it they could have found a kind way. That would be more in the spirit of Christmas than trying to take you down a notch and hurt you.

f-ing anonymous cowards.

2:09 PM  
Blogger m.Lee said...

Oh and I forgot to add. My father's nickname for me as a kid was "turkey-butt". I adored him.

Somebody should lock him away and throw away the key for such horrors.

2:10 PM  
Blogger Rafe Totengco said...

thanks for the comment. that's exactly why I took that photo, I'm hoping I can translate that unto a bag...of course. happy holidays.

2:21 PM  
Blogger Lucy said...

Jenn,

I'm sorry you had someone leave a negative comment on a topic that is so personal and really, like you've explained it today, there is so much more to the story than we can see on the outside looking in. I've never felt you ridiculed your step daughter nor have I ever felt you didn't love her. In fact, you always seem so dedicated to her. All of us that have blogs are open for criticism that share their life with the world to see, but on the upside is far more rewarding than a few down moments that are bound to hit us all eventually. Keep your chin up and don't stop blogging!!

3:19 PM  
Blogger WendyB said...

Oh dear! It just goes to show the dangers of judging someone when you haven't walked in their shoes. Ignore ignorant people! Your mean cheese stories are adorable.

4:11 PM  
Blogger Chickenbells said...

Gosh darn it! I am so sorry that someone left that comment...it's strange because, before you even left the explanation, I thought it was a cute and creative nick-name for her...I mean, most people have little names for their dear one's on their blogs (and I just seeth at their creativity and get all jealous) I didn't think anything weird of it at all. Of course, with the explanation...it's even cuter and endearing!

I say, delete the comments you don't like, and keep being you. I figure that when asshats come into the shop and freak out on me and get all judgmental, I've done my duty to the rest of humanity...because if they have the need to be snarky...then maybe I've saved someone else out there from being the butt of their ugly.

4:16 PM  
Blogger http://afancifultwist.typepad.com said...

ARRRRGH!!!!! I want to defend my perfect wonderful feeling sensitive friend!! WHAT is wrong with people? I knew the mean cheese was meant to be endearing and funny before I even knew who she was!!!! I love you to bits!!!!!!!!!! I know that no matter what we say, you will still feel crappy. I know it has to heal itself.

I don't know why people share such things? If they think it, they can think it and stop reading.

You are such a special treasure. Never ever stop being you! EVER!!!!! xoxoxoxoxoox

5:31 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

I too am sorry that you were sideswiped by a nasty comment. I've never thought that it was anything other than a term of endearment. (Of course, I have siblings whose nicknames for me are "Sloppy" and "Farty Magillicutty".)

I think this person may be missing the point of the holiday season. It's supposed to be about peace, love, and kindness to your fellow human beings, not judgement, right?

Think of all the wonderful people that you've met through writing your blog. That outweighs the negative, doesn't it? I've met you in person, and I thought you were very nice. And I can read people very well, if I may say so myself.

My mother (who is a very wise woman) gave me some advice once when I was having trouble with a boyfriend who was being a crapbag and saying hurtful things to me. She told me that I should just say "Be civil or be silent." I still hear her say that sometimes, and I wish more people understood it.

6:05 PM  
Blogger Kellybot said...

Aw, I'm really sorry you felt like you had to defend yourself on your own blog. I also could tell that you said it out of love. However, I am very grateful to know the story know as I could only guess before as to the actual identity of the "mean cheese."

8:30 PM  
Blogger Aaron said...

You know what, Jenn? You really are the bigger person for deleting her comment. Because to be frank, while this person does have a right to her opinion, if she's going to spew it ignorantly in a public forum -- more importantly, if she's going to make my friend feel bad -- I'm going to offer my opinion right back, whether via email, blog comment, or whatever.

The hell is wrong with people, seriously? This makes me so angry. You are one of the most amazing people I have ever met. It is obvious to anyone who knows you or who acutually reads your blog how much you care about the cheese -- and how difficult caring for her is. It takes so, so much for you and K to do this, and I don't know if a lot of people understand that (or care).

No, no; people are too busy offering their ill-informed opinion of others to worry about their own goddamn lives. I'm sorry, Jenn. I love you, and I don't want you to feel lousy or stop blogging because of some stupid comment. It is a gift to all of us that you choose to share these things on a daily basis; please don't stop.

11:06 PM  
Blogger Ming the Merciless said...

Jen, don't fret over the comment!

It reflected more of his/her emotional state than yours. I find that when people are mean or bitchy, it really is their insecurity at play than anything else.

11:53 PM  
Blogger spiralsun65 said...

Jenn, I find it extraordinarily sad that you had to go to this much trouble to explain yourself just because some unthinking, unfeeling, unintelligent stranger didn't understand you. It's perfectly clear how much you care, and I really feel for you. What a great tool that 'delete' button is! Carry on being your sweet, wonderful, creative, amazing self.

8:26 AM  
Blogger Michelle said...

don't let one mean commenter get to you. you blog for you right? not her. and besides that, you obviously have many people who read your blog, love you for who you are and don't think you're cruel or mean at all! i'm one of them :)

12:50 PM  
Blogger jungle dream pagoda said...

Honey Bunch!!!!
I was planning to to just visit you really quick and catch up on a couple of posts,but I am so sorry about this sitch. I know you love that little girl,but I've been reading you awhile and have read so many endearing and wonderful stories about cheesy baby. Please don't edit yourself....be you!!!

1:46 PM  
Blogger Melanie said...

Don't ever stop being you. Or stop blogging.

This is a fabulous post. It's funny how nicknames come to be and I love how you told the story of hers.

mel

10:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry for the unkind comments that person wrote. I'm new to your blog (I found you through littleputbooks) and I've found your writing to be hilarious. I wasn't aware of the story behind the "mean cheese" but I could tell that it was an affectionate nickname. I'm glad to know the whole story, though-I teared up when I read it. Please keep writing these great blogs! PS I love your artwork, too!

9:35 PM  
Blogger Gregory said...

I came late to this party as I haven't been a good blog friend. For that, I apologize. I didn't know this was going down.

I definitely understand how that kind of comment could rattle your cage. Feeling exposed on your own blog is a vulnerable place.

I fully support you in your blogging, all of your expression and your love of the people in your life. My want is that you keep being your authentic self.

Big kudos for deleting the person's comment. He/she would have received a load of shit from Jenn lovers, like me.

If nothing else, I am grateful to know more about the beginnings of the "mean cheese" nickname. I didn't know where it came from, but knew it was a term of endearment.

Be well!

4:32 PM  
Anonymous seattlegirl said...

Oh damnit...more crap thrown at you! I'm late to this party too but I wanted to share that my Mom's nickname for me was Petunia Pig so there! LOL! She still has a glass in her cupboard with that character on it & I use it with pride & love when I go visit because I'm still a greedy bitch when it comes to my food!

5:21 PM  
Anonymous Tina (elphabainwicked) said...

I just recently started interacting with you through your art and just adore you.

I came to your blog for the first time tonight and I thought the story was cute. I don't feel this person warranted making a mean comment. She read too much into it.

I personally have this image of the "mean cheese" and have to laugh. Not at her but at your story. And to me, that is what you were doing the first time around, without me ever seeing it.

Don't let one bad apple ruin it for you. It is "your" blog and you are a good person.

2:33 AM  

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