Is this what it's turning into???
Good morning darling ones.
well....last night I could not sleep, my brain was swimming with panic last night because you see right before I went to sleep last night I got a comment on my blog that sent my head reeling.
Now, in the past I have had someone leave anonymous comments about how awful I was because in a satirical letter I made fun of Marie Osmond....but last night I got a comment that really got to me, you see, the comment basically said that I did not know Christmas, or god, because I referred to little Sarah as the "mean cheese"...it went on to say how awful I was, that I would make fun of her like that, and that I did not love her.
Now before any of you go looking for this comment, I deleted it, not because I agree with what she said, but because she was not anonymous and I really did not want her to get a pile of emails or nasty comments on her blog, she has the right to her opinion.
Though it got ma shaken up, that someone could actually believe that a funny term of endearment, a blog nickname, meant I did not love her.
wow, what a sad thing.
Now to set the record straight...I love the mean cheese, I know...shocker, I am a caring feeling person...wow...I know, strange huh?
She is called the mean cheese because I hate using her name on the blog, call me paranoid but I don't like it, it "too personal". She is known as "the mean cheese", and has been for years, most people in our real life refer to her as that too...it's a silly thing, but for some reason it's her, like my bubs (Keith) is my bubs.
Years ago we met a woman from Greece, still with a wonderful thick accent, we used to call the mean cheese munchkin because she is so small, when this woman tried to say munchkin it came out...mean cheese.
It was adorable.
We laughed because you see that name seemed to fit Sarah's little funny personality. You see, she has a host of health problems, and severe mental and physical problems, I don;t talk about it much because we treat her like a normal kid, and we like others to treat her that way too...so anyway, part of her problems involve the fact that she cannot have any dairy, this is awful for her, because you see....she loves cheese above and beyond all things.
When she is here the cheese is hidden so she cannot get to it, she repeatedly tries to find it, but we don;t allow her to play in the fridge. Anyway, it really is only a matter of time before I (or my bubs) has to leave the room, and use the bathroom or something. It never fails that in those moments she finds the cheese, and by the time we see her again she has a slice of cheese in one hand and a huge smile on her face.
This is what is awful....we have to take it away from her, every time. Now....when we do this, well she gets mean (note, she gets mean ABOUT the cheese....see the clever play on words starting), she has communication difficulties so expressing herself is hard, and can often end in a little violent outburst on her part.
She hits, bites, scratches, sometimes to us, and worse, to her self.
So....long story short, when we first heard the term mean cheese, well we giggled, it fit...it seemed right.
Now, for the record, when I or anyone calls her mean cheese, it is just to each other, she can't hear, she's deaf after all....so the notion that we are berating her with this "awful" name, is a fallacy.
Her little nickname took off, on the weekends when we have her, my email box is flooded with "how's the mean cheese" e mails. When she is sick or in the hospital people care. And one of the most wonderful things in the world, my friend Megan actually made her a little "plush" mean cheese, it's a triangle of cheese with a funny angry mouth.
Our mean cheese, LOVES that little plush. She hugs it, she makes her "love" noise (hard to describe but it's the noise she makes she she hugs us. She calls it her monster cheese, and out of all the toys she has (of which there are more than I can count) that is one of her favorites and actually has to be in the dining room table when we eat.
so...this is long and this is rambling and for that I am sorry.
I am also sorry that I feel I have to justify myself so much on my own blog, I am really unhinged by negative comments like this.
I start to second guess myself, I start to wonder why I am doing this, why am I opening myself up to this...it's scary. Then I realize all this second guessing of myself has made blogging a lot less fun, because now I am worried that people will take every little thing the wrong way.
It's my blog and I am beginning to wonder if I can even be me on it.
It makes me want to stop, to just curl in a ball and hide.
Now I know, that was only one person...but it might be more, she has me very paranoid, as she implied that everyone thinks I am cruel and heartless...
I'm not, and those of you who know me know that's not true...but those of you who are new to my blog, I don't know....do I need a disclaimer before every entry that might have a little snark to it.
anyway, I'm tired and I'm feeling raw and over exposed right now. Thank you all for listening and reading, and not judging too harshly.