Stiletto Heights

I am Jennifer Gordon- a mixed media collage artist and comic writer living in Columbus OH, with my fiance and love- Keith. I specialize in paintings, ACEOS, journals, art boxes and more. I am always available for commissions! Visit my etsy shop at:

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Dear (Insert Name Here) Week....something or other

Dear Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen

what's up bitches??????

First and foremost I am just going to come right out and say, that I totally love you two. I could pretend to be all cool and say that I have only come to adore you once you hit "adulthood" and became fashion mavens, but I know in my heart that is not true.

You see I have a very vivid memory of being at an 8th grade dance, it was a Friday night and I was having a miserable time standing off to the side all geeky and forlorn with no one to dance with (except Karl, the kid with the bright red hair and stutter, but he would dance with anyone) and I very clearly remember leaning over to my equally geeky female friend and saying "I can't believe I am missing 'Full House' for this.

So you see, I am an old school fan.

So yesterday my bf (aka, my bubs) was home from work due to a thumb being "almost" cut off, and since he was home and feeling bad, he did what he always does, watches Godzilla movies.

Yesterday's fine piece of Japanese cinema was Godzilla Vs. The Sea Monster....I sort of like this one myself, not because of the giant crab like sea monster but because Mothra is in it, and when there's Mothra, there are the "Mothra Twins" or if you want to be specific about it they are actually the Mothra Fairies.

Anyway....right when I saw them the thought came to me that someone should re-make this movie and that you beauties should play the twins....

seriously I think it would be the highest grossing movie of all time.

I think if you could get John Stamos to play Godzilla in a combination of CGI and voice acting that would be so fierce, and maybe Bob Saget could play the giant crab like Sea Monster....and as for Mothra you could get that guy who played "Joey" on Full House, Dave what's his name...the one that Alanis Morrisette wrote all those songs about, so not only would you tap into the whole Godzilla subculture, but you would be giving the fans of Full House the reunion movie they've been clamoring for.

Get Quentin Tarrantino to direct and you are sure be #1 at the Box Office for at least 1 if not 2 weeks.

in all seriousness, I love you...Mary Kate more than Ashley (today at least)

Jennifer Gordon

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Blogger jewelstreet said...

Dear Kathie Lee Gifford-

Have you had plastic surgery? Because if you did, you really should have had another surgeon. You do not look good at all. In fact, it's kind of scary because you have put on weight but your face is all pulled back even with the extra weight.

I suppose it doesn't matter since I don't really like you anyway. You annoy me. Sorry, but it is true. I find you too nice and pleasant. I seriously doubt you could be like that all the time.


9:12 AM  
Blogger Beej said...

Dear Sam Raimi,

Word on the street, sir, is that you are looking to take on "The Hobbit" when New Line dumps Peter "Fatso" Jackson due to your plundering of his magical hobbit treasure or something.

That would be cool.

Also, I suspect it's a film that even hard-core anti-middle earthies (like Aaron) could enjoy. It's a darker story, with less hobbit homoeroticism. There *are* giant spiders, still - but with your spider-man experience, I suspect that you could make them awesome and not too much for wimps to handle. Thar be dragons for the ren-faire folk, and plenty of other stuff for the people who hate ren faire folk.

I generally enjoyed the Lord of The Rings movies that Peter Jackson did, but their flaws were many and large. I think you would do a much better job in minimizing them.

Here's my endorsement. And get on with Evil Dead 4 please.


9:13 AM  
Blogger Beej said...

P.S. I meant due to "their" plundering, not yours.

9:14 AM  
Blogger Karen Beth said...

Argh! You mentioned knome-man!!! (Or gnome-man... I think I mis-spelled it in the original post.)

I'm still pondering my letter. Will report back.

10:22 AM  
Blogger stilettoheights said...

lol Karen Beth I mentioned Gnome man just for you!!


10:37 AM  
Blogger Steph said...

Dear Robert Redford,
I am sure you do not remember me, but I was the girl behind the concession stand on the night you went to see "Three Hotels" at Circle Repertory Theater. The lobby was very crowded, so in order for you to stand and see the photos behind me, you have to stand very close to the counter, which was only about a foot wide. And I only had room enough to stand facing you. So, because I wanted to be all New York cool, I ignored you, even though your were only a foot away and looking right over my shoulder. I would have loved to say something complimentary, but we had just gone to see that awful movie you did with Demi Moore and I really didn't know what to say about that.

Too bad this encounter hadn't happened just after we saw "A River Runs Through It" because then I could have thanked you for that scene where Brad Pitt takes his wet hat off and became my generation's Robert Redford.

Speaking of which, I think it was very nice of you to so gracefully replace yourself. But I have to admit, Brad and George in "Ocean's 11" are not nearly as fun as you and Paul in "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid."

Which brings me to the real point of my letter: I think my jewelry would look so great in your Sundance catalogue. Can you send one of your interns over Etsy to have a look please?



11:08 AM  
Blogger stilettoheights said...

Steph, that letter was amazing!!!

11:13 AM  
Blogger moogan said...

great letters!

11:19 AM  
Blogger Izabella said...

love your letter dayz!!

love all the letters in your comments section!! :)

I look forward to reading them every week~


p.s. can't wait to see the art card!!

12:03 PM  
Blogger gilfling said...

Dear Madonna

Okay so I have loved you ever since I was a young teenage girl who just didn't quite have the confidence to try to copy your style, but I was dedicated in that I bought nearly all your albums. All through these years I have secretly still admired you, not always agreed with the radical changes (and the film role choices - I don't think 'you' could even claim to be an 'actress') although I did love you in Evita.

And now you have married a pretend cockney gangster (who I am sure is lovely) and your wear tweed, drink pints of lager in the local pubs, go clay pigeon shooting (seriously I don't think there are many 'real' english people do that!) and have developed a rather fetching 'almost' english accent.

So I am intrigued - how does all this baby-buying fit in with this lifestyle? I want to believe that you can give David a wonderful home and in my heart I have been trying to defend the way you went about it. 'Normal' people would not have the sway you have, isn't it great when money can get you so far - even to dodge the system and 'choose' a baby.

But seriously - your present stunt - off to africa again for another purchase are we? I hear guy didn't go with you because he thought it would be seen as a publicity stunt. Apparently he wanted you to ditch the security, limo's and film crew and 'get your hands dirty' if you were going to be there. Well he may still be down to earth after all - maybe you should take his lead without all the pretence once in a while?

You know 'when in Rome.....'

I still love the 'Like a virgin album' though.


12:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Boy-Crush-Of-The-Moment-Adrian Grenier,

Can you please film more movies on the off-season of Entourage? Seeing you back on my small screen again for the 4th Season of Entourage just reminds me how much I have missed your hotness and hair, especially the hair. My copy of Drive me Crazy is getting a bit worn (it skips on all the close ups) and you just don't have enough face time in The Devils Wears Prada (and you were a bit lame in it) so PLEASE, more movies!

xoxo, CGCL

12:51 PM  
Blogger Karen Beth said...

Dear Gwen Stefani,

Normally, you would be the last person on my mind to write to but Jenn inspired me to think in the direction of a fashionista and you are exactly that, in all your splendor on the cover of the Harper's Bazaar that came in the mail yesterday.

You are hot.

Your cover shot looks great. Rightly so, you are the model for the Summer Fashion Issue and you are wearing a lovely frock of the most beautiful sea blue and my second-most favorite color in the world: chartreuse green. The shoes are 'haute' too - literally - perfectly matching the green of the gown. They are, of course, special order by Dior Haute Couture by John Galliano. Lovely. The inside spread is no different. You and your adorable bombshell blonde bob are just as beautiful and fashion-forward as ever.

Oh to be more Gwen-like.

While I would never be caught dead in some of the ensembles you wear, I've never seen anything you don that I don't admire. I should also pause here to say that I also don't have the bod that you have and, should I have one similar, I'm sure I would be caught dead (or alive) in most anything that you wear. You have style unlike any other.

Particularly, I admire the uncanny way in which you manage to pull off really outlandish, funky, punk outfits yet still keep a definite elegant air about it. No matter how much over-the-top plain, chains, fishnets, or goth you wear, you are always definitively the epitome of elegance, sophistication and class.

I'm really not sure how you do it. No one else can. You definitely have that market cornered.

So, my tiny pillbox hat off to you, Gwen. Unlike everyone else I can think of in H'wood, I can't think of one fashion mistake that you've made. Keep on keeping on.

Oh, and when you are done with that fab chartreuse Galliano dress, might you consider letting me have it? I could wear it on my leg.


Karen Beth :)

12:53 PM  
Blogger Craftymoose Crafts said...

Dear Roy Horn,
Firstly, I want to congratulate you on your amazing recovery. It is 3 years since your accident onstage with Montecore. You weren't expected to live-let alone walk again. But your strong will & spirit proved all the doctors wrong.
My heart stopped when I heard, and I held my breath every time I turned on the news to see how you were doing. You are a true inspiration!
Btw, do you remember me? After I saw your show at the Mirage, I wrote you the only real fan letter (that I ever mailed). You sent me back a really nice autographed photo. Anyway, I said, "Magic is when the magician believes it, too"
Keep believing Roy!

1:39 PM  
Blogger artandghosts said...

this is insanely funny!

im outa my depth here, but loving it:)


3:16 PM  
Blogger jungle dream pagoda said...

Allright,I got nuthin' this week,but I sure do enjoy reading everyone elses letters. Jennifer the Fullhouse/Godzilla reunion movie is priceless. ...and what,Unca Joey was the subject of Jagged Lil pill,say what????!!!!????oh,and jen for"I can'tbelieve I am missing full house for this" you get my blogspot soundbite of the week award!!!

3:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just wanted to stop by and say hey! Let you know that I'm taking the time to check out your blog.Although I think that I'm going to sit this one out. I have alot to do today. :)

5:44 PM  
Blogger Gypsy Purple said...

I enjoyed this....

1:37 AM  
Blogger Toestubber said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

2:09 AM  

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