Stiletto Heights

I am Jennifer Gordon- a mixed media collage artist and comic writer living in Columbus OH, with my fiance and love- Keith. I specialize in paintings, ACEOS, journals, art boxes and more. I am always available for commissions! Visit my etsy shop at:

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Yet another day in the glorious life of me

I have been in a mood lately, so down and cranky. Maybe it is the post holiday blues...not sure.

I hate to be a mopey drag...but it has been increasingly hard for me to put on a game face and go through the motions. I find myself just fighting to keep things together, and I feel like I am doing nothing except letting people down.

I'm not perfect and I know it is impossible to be perfect, but I just feel as though lately I am nothing but a let down. I am trying so hard to do everything I can, and I am just coming up short.

Things at the comic shop are not going well for me, and I am here so much that it is all consuming when what I really want to be doing is art. I get home and I am just so tired, I don't have the energy to paint, nor do I feel inspired. That is scary.

I can't and probably shouldn't complain, Keith works his butt off at the restaurant, crazy hours and a ton of stress, and he is doing great there, and he is making people proud. His parents were so pleased when they saw the restaurant, I just wish I felt like I was making someone proud.

This sucks I am feeling so pathetic and needy...these are parts of my personality that I try so hard to keep in check and buried. No one needs to hear my complaining, no one needs another sob story about some neurotic artist type.

ok, I should finish I fear I have bored what few readers I have an made them go away. Come back tomorrow, I promise I will be more lovely and entertaining.

I need a big hug today..but I am afraid that if someone actually hugged me I would start crying and never stop.

The photo I chose today is a new art card and it is called "Shattered" and it sort of sums up how I am feeling this moment.

it is available for sale in my Etsy Shop.


Blogger gilfling said...

Oh jenn - your post made me so sad! It is all so familiar though (I feel like this all to0 often) and I think is the bane of many artists and their rollercoaster emotions. I really hope that you find a way to make your art full time - you are extremely talented and a wonderful person!! I put up the link to your shop in my blog this morning under the title 'wonderful etsy sellers' so it must be true LOL! And if I ever get anyone else reading my blog then they shall see it too!
I suffer so much with lack of confidence with my work - so much so that it is paralysing and this will the focus of my first creative challenge submission and hope for the future.
Thanks so much for posting to my blog yesterday - it is lovely for me that you take the time to read it. Oh and a HUGE hug to you - (make sure you get plenty of real ones at some point today - and even if you do cry - that is good).

Take care, Gillian xxxxx

4:29 PM  
Blogger stilettoheights said...

I love you Gil, now your post made me cry.
yes, I am having a day...struggling with my challenge item, I made one but now don't have the confidence to post it, maybe this will give me the strength to do it.


4:59 PM  
Blogger Rebekah said...

Don't worry Jenn, everybody feels this way sometimes. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself because you have a lot to be proud of. Your artwork is beautiful and your comics are really great. You have so much going for you! You're definitely no letdown.

1:10 AM  
Blogger Aaron said...

Aw, Jenn, it's times like this that I get really sad that we're so far away from each other; I'd give you hugs anytime you wanted. And it's not like I haven't seen you cry before, so that would be no issue. :)

I understand, though; I've been not well myself this week. I'm hoping it's a passing thing -- new year, winter blues and all. I hope it's the same for you, but just remember how proud of you I am. I'll tell you again and again anytime you need to hear it. I'm proud of you for making art, I'm proud of you for writing, and I'm proud of you for trying so hard to live a creative, fulfilling life, even though it's never, ever the easy thing to do.

Oh, and: I'm proud of what a great job you did filling in for me this week on Funky Carter! See? You didn't let me down. You never have.

love you and miss you, rock star.

8:33 AM  
Blogger stilettoheights said...

thanks rebekah and aaron, I am still having a really tough day today but kind words from you have made me feel less alone, even though you are all very far way.

thank you sincerely from the bottom of my heart.


1:29 PM  

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