Memories

I know, I know, I keep going on about autumn, mentioning Halloween and the like. I can't help it, it's the time of the year, the end of summer, combined with back to school stuff...it always get's me a little.

Not that it's a bad thing at all, but there is something in the air, something about the very beginning of fall that makes me feel entirely bittersweet, makes me long for something, makes me anxious, and curious all at the same time.

Perhaps these are left over emotions from childhood, dreaming of the first day back at school, thinking every year that "this year will be different"...and then they never are.

Could it be lingering memories from my very first real broken heart...I was 16, and felt the world would come to an end becasue I was in pain...late night teary phone calls and a boy who left me...I could taste myself aging in the autumn air. (14 years later, I am back together with this forst big heartbreak man...but something about fall still makes me miss him, even when he is asleep next to me).

I even married my now ex-husband in early fall...and even that doesn't ruin my love for this time of year.

I am longing for the leaves to fall, for the sky to be tinted with orange, for mornings when I can see my breath, just the slightest...I am longing for long skinny scarves and the smell of Keith's pipe that he smokes because it makes him feel like he's home.

I am longing for hot cider, spiked with whiskey that I drink while I eat pumpkin bread...

I am longing for all these things, and right now it is humid and disgusting, the weather in this fine metropolis is not cooperating with my fantasies...there were tornado sirens all last night, and I hoped that perhaps the twister would come, and whist me to a land of year long autum, where I would dream in golden tones...

I miss so many things, how can life, time, a person even, be this beautiful and sad all at the same time?

I have been trying with everything I create to capture that, the magic, the subtle feeling I get when I feel like I am just on the verge of something...

I have beem coming close at times, pushing things a little bit here and there... This piece will be listed in my Etsy Shop, and I have decided to call it "He Loved Me in My Youth". It doesn;t capture all of what I am feeling, but it does hint at it, and that's something, right?