Stiletto Heights

I am Jennifer Gordon- a mixed media collage artist and comic writer living in Columbus OH, with my fiance and love- Keith. I specialize in paintings, ACEOS, journals, art boxes and more. I am always available for commissions! Visit my etsy shop at:

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Dear Insert Name Here

Dear Jennifer Lopez

aka J. Lo, aka, the other Jenny from the Block that is NOT ME!!

What's up? So, here's the deal...everyone thinks you are preggers, I even hopped on that bandwagon ages ago...but you won't say anything, when it's totally obvious, that've got a baby up in there, wither that or you are a total chubster now.

Wait....that's it, I think you are not pregnant, in fact I think now that there rumors are flying you are doing everything in your power to get yourself knocked up.

Ok, we get it, you are happy, your married, you are all "settled" so, you started eating, a lot, it started simply with a few trips to your local Hostess Bakery outlet store...and have escalated to you consuming a bag of egg noodles and 4 cheese sauce.

Am I right?

And now that the fat has hot the fan you are scrambling for a good old fashioned baby cover up.

Yeah, I could be on to something.

In all seriousness, big fat belly or baby belly it does not matter, what you should really worry about is what you are wearing, darling look like Mrs Roper on Three's Company...the MooMoos are awful.

So, with that I bid you adieu, and wish you luck with the big announcement, whether that be a baby announcement or just that fact that you are embracing your "larger self" wither way you are still a hottie, just ditch the 1970's curtains you have been wearing. I also want to wish you luck and hope that kids look like you, your hubby sort of looks like an E.T.

your friend
Jenny from the Block II
(jennifer Gordon)

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Blogger JennyBunnyEtsy said...

I almost fell off my chair laughing...

If I get called Jenny From the Block one more time, I swear I'm going to kick someone in the shin...... Grrrr

9:32 AM  
Blogger alexgirl said...

Mrs. Roper, bwahaha! Brilliant reference. That is one ridiculous outfit, I must say. What was she thinking? She can be so stylish sometimes, and then completely smoke MooMoo crack other times. Oh well.

I can't think of a letter but I have to respond to one of your comments (like, 10 days late, sorry)--Chesty McTitterson=frickin' hilarious. I'm still cracking up about that.

10:13 AM  
Blogger Aaron said...

You know that saying her husband looks like E.T. is incredibly insulting to the adorable and magical E.T., right? Seriously.

Also, you are the original Jenny from the Block. My block. Okay, technically it was the other side of town -- a different city, even -- but close enough. You're Jenny from my 'hood (or, my school).

10:14 AM  
Blogger Sweet Spice said...

lmao...he does look like E.T.

I just read on Yahoo that she finally announced that yes, she is about 4 months pregnant...good call on the belly!!

11:09 AM  
Blogger MadeByAmanda said...

I guess I am so not up on celebrity gossip - that was the first I had heard of this particular rumor.

11:17 AM  
Blogger CRAFTLINDA said...

That is hilarious. He may look like ET but the guy can sing. :)

11:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you're right, she's definately got something going on. I think its the "I'm married now and don't have to impress my man" syndrome lol

11:47 AM  
Blogger m.Lee said...

I know a fat belly and a pregnant belly and that certainly looks like a pregnant belly to me. And I think her boobs look like preggo boobs too. (my boobs were the first thing to grow)

1:03 PM  
Blogger jungle dream pagoda said...

If thats a recent pic,oh yeah,she must be preggers! Love the Roper/Muumuu ref!Thing is when I am checkin' out the tabloid rags at the gym while stairmastering,I am FOREVER thinking it is J Lo Hewwitt ! I think its just cause I have finally embraced my love of The Ghost Whisperer,yup I own it! I LOVE that dang show I used to make fun of.There ! I have confessed my sins,I feel better.

5:40 PM  
Blogger Real Diva Designs said...

Don't be fooled by the rocks that I got
I'm still, I'm still Jenny from the block
Used to have a little,
Now I Have a Lot!!!!!

I am sitting here trying not to laugh out loud. Mrs Roper had a certain flair in her day and JLo's husband does have a certain Stanley look about him. Good Call.
P.S. I love your work!

7:31 PM  
Blogger artandghosts said...

you kill me with these things;)


7:34 PM  
Blogger designs by bonzie said...

you nailed this one! absolutely a classic.x

7:41 PM  
Blogger FireTamerGlassworks said...

LMAO...absolutely hilarious! I can't wait to see which celebrity you skewer next!

Jenny from the Block III

11:59 PM  
Blogger Gypsy Purple said...

Missed you....glad to be back and can`t wait to catch up with all the posts and lovely stuff


7:53 AM  
Anonymous ashley G said...

I NEEDED to read this. OOhh...starting a morning with this is good stuff. If you ever stop creating lovely things this can be your next job. Move over Go Fug Yourself and Perez : )

You're too funny.

10:24 AM  
Blogger Ming the Merciless said...

OMG, I didn't know she was pregger!! When did this happen? How did it happen?

Okay, maybe you don't have to explain how it happened...but she's on tour right now so was this an accidental pregnancy???

Great comments on the moomoo dress.

12:46 PM  
Blogger Sadie Lou said...


You're my *offcial* Perez Hilton.

I love your celeb letters.

4:15 PM  

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