Dear (Insert Name Here)
Dear Kenny Chesney
(I know dear readers I can hear you groaning because I am writing to a country singer...)
so, Mr Chesney...for a long time now you have walked a fine line with me, teetering on the edge of me just shrieking out "OMG I hate you"!!
I know, you are probably wondering why, why such loathsome venom coming from me, a girl who is way more country than rock n roll....
I love your music, I really do, though I could do with a little less of the "forced Jesus references" that are plaguing the the industry, but that's a letter for another time.
well, let's start with just a little list...in no particular order...
um....what's up with the weird sleeveless shirts you are always wearing? No, seriously, I want to know...I get that you have a hot body and all, but Kenny (mind if I call you that), how do I put this delicately....
you're not butch enough to pull off the sleeveless shirt thing, you look like one of the Indigo Girls.
Now, I get that you are "country" hence the hat in ALL photos, but I think you should still rock the hat, but take it off sometimes and embrace your inner "going bald" part of your life...there's no shame in that.
No onto the large white elephant in the room....RENE ZELLWIGER...yuck.
ok, I know the marriage was short lived (I am thanking the baby Jesus you sing about for that), but still the damage was done, in marrying that scrunchy faced nit wit you gave hope to all the sort of ugly girls out there, making them think that they too can marry a non butch cowboy....it's just too much.
Now, we come to strike three, the nail in my Chesney coffin if you will....
so, a few nights ago you were playing a show in NYC, at Madison Square Garden....and who do you bring on stage with you...Johnny Damon and Roger Clemens.
Are you kidding me??? Seriously as a Red Sox fan you could not have picked two worse people to drag up on stage with you...let me put this in a way you might understand....
how would you like it if you saw Jesus kissing Judas (I think I got this right, it's been a long time since Catholic School).
The only other thing you could have done that would have been more insulting to Red Sox Nation is to bring the frozen Ted Williams on stage and through peanuts at him while wearing a Yankee shirt.
make amends Kenny, and soon.