Stiletto Heights

I am Jennifer Gordon- a mixed media collage artist and comic writer living in Columbus OH, with my fiance and love- Keith. I specialize in paintings, ACEOS, journals, art boxes and more. I am always available for commissions! Visit my etsy shop at: http://www.stilettoheights.etsy.com

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Dear (Insert Name Here)



Dear Kenny Chesney

(I know dear readers I can hear you groaning because I am writing to a country singer...)

so, Mr Chesney...for a long time now you have walked a fine line with me, teetering on the edge of me just shrieking out "OMG I hate you"!!

I know, you are probably wondering why, why such loathsome venom coming from me, a girl who is way more country than rock n roll....

I love your music, I really do, though I could do with a little less of the "forced Jesus references" that are plaguing the the industry, but that's a letter for another time.

well, let's start with just a little list...in no particular order...

um....what's up with the weird sleeveless shirts you are always wearing? No, seriously, I want to know...I get that you have a hot body and all, but Kenny (mind if I call you that), how do I put this delicately....

you're not butch enough to pull off the sleeveless shirt thing, you look like one of the Indigo Girls.

Now, I get that you are "country" hence the hat in ALL photos, but I think you should still rock the hat, but take it off sometimes and embrace your inner "going bald" part of your life...there's no shame in that.

No onto the large white elephant in the room....RENE ZELLWIGER...yuck.

ok, I know the marriage was short lived (I am thanking the baby Jesus you sing about for that), but still the damage was done, in marrying that scrunchy faced nit wit you gave hope to all the sort of ugly girls out there, making them think that they too can marry a non butch cowboy....it's just too much.

Now, we come to strike three, the nail in my Chesney coffin if you will....

so, a few nights ago you were playing a show in NYC, at Madison Square Garden....and who do you bring on stage with you...Johnny Damon and Roger Clemens.

F- me!!!

Are you kidding me??? Seriously as a Red Sox fan you could not have picked two worse people to drag up on stage with you...let me put this in a way you might understand....

how would you like it if you saw Jesus kissing Judas (I think I got this right, it's been a long time since Catholic School).

The only other thing you could have done that would have been more insulting to Red Sox Nation is to bring the frozen Ted Williams on stage and through peanuts at him while wearing a Yankee shirt.

make amends Kenny, and soon.

love
Jennifer Gordon

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15 Comments:

Blogger Craftymoose Crafts said...

You leave me very entertained....but speechless!

8:56 AM  
Blogger Steph said...

Awesome.

9:21 AM  
Blogger ~Stella said...

Even though I know nothing about Kenny Chesney, I still found this entertaining.

:)

9:24 AM  
Blogger Jen Vecc said...

johnny damon! i saw kenny play at gillette stadium and he was wearing a red sox tee! (sleeveless of course!) he was rather fabulous though! :)

p.s. tag your it. see my blog! :)

9:25 AM  
Blogger Beej said...

OF COURSE gay country singers are yankee fans. They deserve eachother.

9:38 AM  
Anonymous nancypearlwannabe said...

Oh, Kenny. Why with that hat?

10:25 AM  
Blogger Ming_the_Merciless said...

Jen, I knew you would love the photos of the magazine editors. :-)

Only you and I are nuts enough to recognize these people.

11:06 AM  
Blogger Ming_the_Merciless said...

Wait, isn't Kenny Chesney a 'cousin' of the Senator from Idaho, Larry Craig??

11:08 AM  
Blogger jungle dream pagoda said...

Hilarimous!!!!!I have a soft place in my heart for Renee,she called me on the phone once (at 7 AM),before she was famous and we had a mutual crazy best bud(she( my crazy friend) starred opposite Dan Akroyd in Soul man,or some such short lived TV show),anyway Renee was given my number by our mutual agent though we had never met,she was looking for our crazy friend and was stranded at the Dallas bustop,at the time I lived rather far from there and told her I would come and get her if she couldn't find Helen,she never called back,so I can't tell the "how I picked La Zellweger up at the bustop" portion of the story!

1:31 PM  
Anonymous Noelle said...

Most to all of these baseball and country music references are lost on me. I do know that Kenny Chesney's album which was released yesterday may outsell 50 Cent and Kanye West, who were in a brawl for number 1. That's the first time in my life I've wanted to run out and buy a country music CD. Except for the solidarity with the Dixie Chicks moment, but I had no follow-through on that one.

1:39 PM  
Blogger CountryGirl_CityLife said...

jenn dear, I just don't know about you today...quite frankly, anyone named Kenny frightens me.

8:35 PM  
Blogger Chickenbells said...

Truly perfect!

11:38 PM  
Blogger Ming_the_Merciless said...

Jen, I looked on YouTube for Garth's new song and all the videos have been taken down by ORDER of Garth's company. :-(

I can't listen to it on radio cos' NYC does not have a country radio channel.

Am listening to the country radio on iTunes but haven't heard of it yet. :-(

12:14 AM  
Blogger Angela said...

"you look like one of the indigo girls"

Oh. my. God.

I am dying laughing over here.

8:38 AM  
Blogger Sweet Spice said...

lmao that was great!



http://sweetspicestory.blogspot.com

1:08 PM  

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