Dear (Insert Name Here) week 12 (is it 12?)
Dear Paris Hilton
you know, part of me is sickened that I even had the urge write to you, I should just ignore you...in fact everyone should just ignore you.
But you see, I can't.
As I write this you will be going to jail soon, or maybe you are already there, you see I don't keep up that much with your antics...but I still feel in some little way, that I know you and I at least owe you a farewell.
How can we not all feel like we know you Paris, you are everywhere, we know where you party, what you wear, who you make out with, how you sing, how you drive, all your bff's, and frankly we even know how you have sex (thanks to "one night in paris").
Anyway, knowing all this about you, who are you really....are you really a lost little lamb that does not believe that driving drunk is wrong???
That was a really lame defense by the way, even for you.
I do have to give you props for once again being friends with Nicole Ritchie...who frankly is adorable as adorable gets, I am convinced that she is not actually a Ritchie, but the lost Olsen triplet...that is how I love her.
She was also the only saving grace of this months cover to Bazaar...
moving on...I also adore your sister Nicki...why can't we hear more about her??? Maybe now will be her time to shine with you being locked up in the slammer.
So now to the point of my letter...you do realize horrible things are going to happen to you while you are serving time, don't you?? I mean really, REALLY horrible things....I can't even imagine, you saw the movie Shawshank Redemption right? Well it's going to be like that, only worse.
I am assuming you will be become the prison bitch to a gang of poor women who at some point in time all worked for the Hilton chain, as maids...
you'll have to appease them by "making their beds" for a change...if you know what I mean, wait, do you know what I mean?
I know you didn't go to college like sister Nicki did...so perhaps this letter is going over your head, please have the person who is reading this to you explain the words you don't understand...maybe hire someone to translate it into a finger puppet play for you or a pop up book.
anyway, in all semi-seriousness...I hope you this whole fiasco will teach you something, and that is you are no "poor little rich girl" that my dear dumb one, went out of fashion with Gloria Vanderbilt.