Stiletto Heights

I am Jennifer Gordon- a mixed media collage artist and comic writer living in Columbus OH, with my fiance and love- Keith. I specialize in paintings, ACEOS, journals, art boxes and more. I am always available for commissions! Visit my etsy shop at: http://www.stilettoheights.etsy.com

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

where have I been?

thanks for all the amazing comments on my wedding pictures, I have a few more to share but should have a ton more soon from my in-laws....wow...in-laws, I have not called them that yet.

So, I have been missing from the blog world because as you know suring wedding week we had house guests, my in-laws were staying with us, and my mom.

The visit itself went very well, all things considered, though inside I was nervous, anxious, sad, and well...crazy, just crazy.

You see I had not seen my mom in years and seeing her was both amazing and heart breaking to be honest. I love my mom, a lot. Our relationship has been rocky at times and has now settled quite nicely to where we are now. But....seeing her after so long I was shocked at how much she had changed. I am sure she thought the same about me.

I wonder if it was sad for her too.

I can hardly put my finger on it, but it was there, she had gotten older obviously, and she seemed smaller, more tired, and a little more forgetful. Most of all she just seemed so sweet, so very tender and sweet, like a little kid. Don;t get me wrong she is still a mom so there was still some nagging on her part and me snapping at her, but that was always followed by feeling guilty and sad. She just wants to love me, and I should let her.

AT one point while she was here she went upstairs to take a nap, and when I woke her later, there was this moment while she was still sleeping all curled up on the bed, that I found so touching.

As I type this I find myself crying. I missed her, I did not let on how much, but I did miss her. There she was, asleep on a little bed and it hit me, this was my mom...I pictured her little and lonely life since my father died and I was overwhelmed.

I know the reason we get a long so well is because we don't see much of each other, but at the same time I cannot let myself not see her for this long again, what if something happens??

sorry....I am rambling about something I did not intend on talking about, lol

Anyway, where was I....

oh yeah, craziness and house guests, blah blah....

so anyway, everyone left on Friday leaving us to get back to normal, only the problem was....poor Scribble had gotten really, really sick and I was up all night with him on Thursday and Friday was bad too, so Friday night my bubs and I were at the animal hospital...we left there with loads of medicines and special food for the little guy, and no money....YIKES, pets are so expensive.

Anyway...Scribble was still not right all weekend, but then yesterday morning he started to be more himself............so now, now I feel like things will slowly get back to "normal"

sigh...

sorry, that was so long. I intended to come here, mention the Scribble thing, apologize for those of you waiting on shipments and let you know that I am almost caught up on shipping....and to let you all know I now have postcard sets in my shop....

but maybe I should wait and tell you about the postcards tomorrow...it would feel strange to show pictures of them now, after this long and emotional post.

anyway, that's the that in my life.

how are you??

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12 Comments:

Blogger Helen said...

Congratulations on the wedding! Cherish your mom okay? My mom died at a very young age and for me, growing up without her was so hard... still is some 35 years later. I have no memory of the sound of her voice and I don't know her favorite color, favorite song or what she liked to do.

Sorry so sappy but to me mom's are the most treasured thing on earth. I grew up in a time when divorce was almost unheard of and I was the only kid without two parents at my high school graduation. That was the day I had my reality check of what the rest of my life would be like.

I would have given anything in the world to have my mom at my wedding. You are fortunate! Don't under estimate how lucky you are!!

8:59 AM  
Blogger moogan said...

thanks for being so honest about your experience.
I hope this can start a new chapter in your life in many ways.
I'm so very happy for you and am glad lil scribble is feeling better.

9:23 AM  
Blogger Aaron said...

Congrats again, JftB, and I'm glad everything went well this weekend. I'm glad your mom did make it out after all; it's hard to watch them grow old, isn't it? My relationship with my dad is a bit similar in that he drives me nuts whenever I'm with him, but at the same time, I love him and I worry about not connecting with him enough and blah blah.

Changing the subject, I keep meaning to ask, are you changing your last name again?

11:13 AM  
Blogger stilettoheights said...

aaron, I will be Jennifer Gordon-Cousineau

helen- that is how I felt about my father not being at my wedding, though he passed away 8 years ago, it still feels like yesterday sometimes.

11:23 AM  
Blogger Waterrose said...

Hugs to you and puppy. When I was in my early 20's I moved to Germany for two years and went that long without seeing my mom. When I returned to Ohio and got off the plane, saw my mom it hit me like a ton of bricks how much older she was and fragile. It was very weird.

Congrats to you and Mr. Hubs...

11:50 AM  
Blogger Chickenbells said...

I think weddings and solidifying new family ties are always emotional times (specially when all the parents are there) So, take your time to wade through all the emotions!

I hope the fuzzy beast is feeling better soon...and everything goes back to "normal"

4:27 PM  
Blogger UniqueNurseGranny said...

Glad you are back.you had good reason to be delayed.Glad things are getting back toward normal..

7:58 PM  
Blogger Scott Bulger Photography said...

Make sure that your mom knows how you feel.

Congratulations on everything.

9:07 AM  
Blogger Rafe Totengco said...

congratulations on your wedding!

2:25 PM  
Blogger Rebekah Beatrice said...

Congrats on the wedding. It's so touching what you said about your mom. I always wonder when people have kids if they ever expect their relationship with them will be as complicated as most of them turn out to be.

8:55 PM  
Blogger Rosebud Collection said...

So happy you had a beautiful wedding.
Most of all I am happy for you and your mother having a relationship again..

7:03 AM  
Blogger XUE said...

This is the 2nd time, this week, that I read a touching post about moms. Yes, cherish her truly. I was given up at 4 days old for being of the wrong sex. My mom is the woman, who rescued me. We are very traditional so I'll do anything for her.

10:21 AM  

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